03/04: Brionna : Soul Searcher
I'm pretending to be an author. I have written a couple of books and a number of short stories. Here is one of the short stores.
Alannah and Elina changed quickly out of their uniforms and got ready to head out for an evening on the town. Tonight they will dine in Capitol City and then cruise the town to see what they can find to entertain themselves. It has been three months since the newly transformed Elina joined Alannah in Crystal City and it has been a nonstop party. Alannah has spent a small fortune entertaining Elina and herself, but she believes it is worth it, and long overdue. Twelve millennia stuck in limited mind sets going nowhere deserves a celebration when you finally break free, and freedom is what Alannah and Elina are experiencing, with a fervor. Both girls are working at the all night diner, so their finances will be replenished, slowly, over time. For the time being, as long as Alannah's bank account holds out, it's continuous entertainment. Maureen, their new friend and partner in exploring the domains, is meeting them for dinner.
"Holy shit, Maureen! What in the world have you done?" Elina asked with a big smile as Maureen approached them in the restaurant.
"How do I look? Am I good enough to party with you guys now?" Maureen asked with an even bigger smile. Age regression therapy is becoming popular in the domains since the process was discovered and Maureen is studying to become a regression therapist.
"You look awesome!" Alannah said. "And you were good enough to party with us when you were 60. How old are you now?"
"I'm about 45 now." Maureen giggled. "I found a relative who had an intact template of me at 45 in their memory and we used that for regression, just the same way as you regressed Elina from your memory. I'm searching for more relatives that may have a younger template, but if I stay forever 45 that's plenty good enough. There ain't nothing a 35 year old can do that a 45 year old can't do better anyway." They all laughed.
After dinner and after saying no to dozens of Capitol City gentlemen the girls danced with a few guys and then retired to a quiet corner table in the bar to discuss business. "Elina and I have the next two days off from the diner." Alannah announced. "So lets get down to business. Where do we need to go to find Brionna?"
"I've located your sister Brionna in a domain of the mid twentieth century era. She is there along with a number of her children. I brought a small sketch pad so I can draw their images for you for verification. In fact, I have most of them done already." Maureen said as she hands Alannah and Elina a small stack of sketches.
Alannah studies the images and asks "OK. The elderly woman you have drawn. I assume this is Brionna?"
"Yes. I estimate her age at about 90 years old, probably the same as her Earth age at the time of her passing." Maureen explains.
"She was about 70 when I left. So she got in another 20 years. Makes sense, her being so pampered her whole life. I had to struggle every day just to survive and there she is in the lap of luxury, soaking up the good life. Remind me to complain about that when we get there." Elina says with a grin and a laugh.
"A word of caution before we go. This domain has been totally resistant to contact with the modern domains. They are stuck in a 1950's version of the old North America and as far as they are concerned that is where they still are. Anything that they experience that contradicts that illusion they either ignore or rationalize so that the illusion is preserved. She may recognize you as her sisters but since you, at your apparent age, would be an anachronistic contradiction, she will not be able to accept you as her sisters. It would destroy her illusion and she will more than likely just think you are someone else who looks like her sisters did when she was young." Maureen explained.
"So then Alannahs hope of a big family reunion is out of the question?" Elina asked.
"Probably. At least not the way you may want it to be." Maureen explained. "The only way to break her out of the illusion is to provide something more compelling than the illusion, but that is a difficult thing to accomplish."
"I may know a way." Elina said with a mischievous smile on her face.
"I don't know any of these kids. They were born after I was gone." Alannah says as she hands the sketches to Elina.
"Yes I know these kids. Is this all of them? There were more than these." Elina says looking at Maureen for possibly more sketches.
"This is all that I feel are with her. My seeing ability's are not perfect, so there may be more, or maybe less. We will have to go there to see. If someone who is not there is constantly on their mind I may see them as being there when they are really not, but I'm usually pretty accurate." Maureen says.
"So you are basically reading her mind and pulling this stuff out that way?" Alannah asked.
"In a round about way, yes" Maureen explains. "I am reading feelings and images from a universal field of consciousness that all life is connected too. My skills as a seer are that I can filter out from the trillions of voices from the one I am looking for. You are also connected to this field as well but you perceive it as trillions of voices all at once. Your mind interprets that as just noise and filters it out. I have the ability to penetrate that filter and find one soul amongst the noise. There are only a few of us that can do that and I have been blessed with that ability."
"I know these kids." Elina says, going through the sketches one by one. "This one here is Albert. He was always a sweet boy, but I think a little slow. He passed in the conflict of 1917. That broke Brionna's heart. She had two older sons who passed in the conflict in Cuba. They joined the Rough Riders when they were 16 against her wishes. They both ran away from home and joined and then she never saw them again. According to the reports I received, one died from a bullet and the other died from malaria. She also lost two more sons in 1918 or thereabouts, to the war in Europe. She was so depressed she could hardly function for years, but then became an active in anti-war movements, and helping other mothers find sons who were missing and assumed dead, but no one knew for sure. The women in these sketches are Elizabeth and Ruth, two of her daughters. They were still living when I left so I don't know how they departed."
"There is one more there Elina, that you set aside. Who is that?" Alannah asked.
Elina shot Maureen a smile and said "Maureen, you know who this last one is, don't you?"
"I think I might." Maureen answered.
"Should we tell her?" Elina asked
"I think we should. I think she is strong enough to handle it." Maureen responded, smiling at Alannah.
"OK you guys, I'm starting to cry. What? Who is it?" Alannah asked.
Elina smiled at Alannah and said "One of these kids is not really Brionna's, although she raised him until he was 16. He is her nephew, Thomas. He is your son, Alannah. The son you never met."
Now tears were streaming down Alannah's face. "Oh. Shit! I didn't even think about that. I knew I had a child but never gave it another thought. Oh my God! What am I going to say to him? How is he going to respond to me?"
"You will be as much a stranger to him as he is to you." Maureen explained. "If it is easier for you, and him, to not bring the subject up then maybe it would be better to just not mention it. He may recognize his aunt Elina, but if he is lost in Brionna's illusion, then he may not know her as his aunt."
The girls discussed their trip for tomorrow and finalized their plans. After the plans had been finalized they had a midnight snack, had a few drinks, danced with a few soon to be broken hearted young men, and headed back to Crystal City for a few hours of sack time before their new adventure.
Elina and Alannah awoke to the chimes of the apartment intercom. Their car was waiting for them and they were not even up and dressed yet. Luckily they had laid out their clothes and travel supplies before they went to bed so they hurriedly dressed and dashed out the door, brushing their teeth as they ran down the hall and spitting into the ash tray as they entered the lobby. Alannah handed the driver the address to Maureen's house. They would go there first before traveling to the mysterious domain of Brionna.
"Good morning girls." Maureen said as she stepped into the hover craft, handing the coordinates of Brionna's domain to the driver. The car whooshed to cruising altitude and soon began a docking procedure at the interface of Brionna's domain. "We are going to have to let you off here, ladies." The driver announced. "This is a period specific domain and we can't take our technology in there. In your travel pouch you will find currency specific to this period. They are called dollars. You can use them to hire transportation to your friends location. Have a good trip and summon us when you need to be picked up and we will come and get you."
The girls exited the hover craft in a foggy area dividing the two domains. As they emerged from the fog they were standing on a residential street in what appeared to be a middle class neighborhood. Some of the newer homes were brick and some were older wooden houses. Not knowing which way to go they took off in a random direction hoping to find the center of town and a cab to rent. Then they spied a cab driver dropping off a resident and hailed the driver before he could leave the neighborhood. "Where to, ladies?" The cab driver asked.
"Take us to Cresida drive." Elina said. "I'm not sure what house it is, but I'll recognize it. I never actually saw the house but Brionna described it to me over and over again. She was all excited because she was working with the architect on a custom design. I'm sure she manifested that same house here in this domain."
The cab driver gave her a funny look and said. "OK lady. The fare will be about $2.25 for the three of you. You girls got enough to cover that?"
Elina laughed and said. "Yes. We got ya covered on the fare. Drive on and let us know when we are on the block."
The cab wound its way through the streets of what appeared to be San Diego California many many years ago. After about 20 minutes the cab driver pulled to the curb and said "Here you go girls. This is Cresida drive. It ain't very long, you can get out and walk until you find what you are looking for."
Elina handed the driver $3 and told him to keep the change. The girls walked past a number of nice homes until suddenly Elina said "That it!. That is the house that Brionna built. It's gotta be. It's just like what she described. Come one girls. Lets go knock on the door."
"It's got a door bell thingy." Alannah said. "OK. Here we go. I'm pushing it. Let's see what destiny has in store for us today." There was a sound of a door bell echoing through the house and then the sound of several very small dogs barking and scampering over wooden floors. A young man, apparently in his mid thirties, approached the door, then stopped suddenly, then said "Holy Shit!" as he hurriedly came out the screen door and closed the wooden door behind him. "Aunt Elina! What the hell are you doing here? Oh My God! Is this my Mom? Elina! You've regressed!" Thomas said as he gave a shocked Elina a big hug. Turning and hugging Alannah Thomas said "Hi Mom. It's good to finally meet you." Alannah's heart was beating so fast she was terrified that she would pass out. She held tight to Thomas just in case.
"Apparently you're not part of this illusion, are you Thomas?" Maureen asked.
"No ma'am. I'm just visiting. I come and check on aunt Brionna from time to time. I live in a different domain where we are much more aware. That is why I hurried out here and shut the door. If you just walked in there I'm not sure how she would handle it. In addition to being lost in her illusion, she is also a bit senile, so we need to do this carefully. I've got a car, lets go someplace and get a cup of coffee or something and figure out how to handle this."
Thomas took the girls to a donut shop where they could sit and talk and create a strategy for introducing themselves to Brionna, and catch up on old times. "I'm sorry for the hurried hello, Mom. I would have preferred a more formal meeting, but you guys didn't give me any warning. I almost had a heart attack when I saw you at the door."
"My heart fluttered a few times too! I'm sorry for the shock Thomas. I don't really know what to say. I wasn't there after you were born, so I don't really know you. I intend to get to know you though, but that will take some time. I'm still in shock meeting you, especially from the suddenness of it all." Alannah said, not knowing if she should laugh or cry or just run like hell.
"We seem to have nothing but time in these domains, Mom. I'm sure we will get to know each other very well. So? Why the sudden visit? What sort of mission are you guys on?"
"It's sort of a long story, Thomas." Alannah begins. "Apparently I was stuck in some sort of a zombie state for a long long time. All I did was eat, sleep, and work and the rest of life passed me by without my ever knowing it. I had no memory of the past and no concept of a future. A few months ago my employer insisted that I undergo reconstitution therapy to break me out of that trap. I visited my friend Maureen, here with us today, and underwent the therapy and much of my memory has now been restored. I'm Alannah again, instead of that zombie girl with the blank stare, that I was for so long. The very first thing I did then was go find Elina. Maureen and I found her locked in her own private hell and we got her out of there. Elina and I then spent a few months traveling the domains and having fun, and now we have come to find Brionna. I never expected to find you, Thomas. This is an unexpected bonus, but I'm glad it happened. It seems you can help us with Brionna. Tell us about Brionna, but first, tell us about you."
"Well, as you know I arrived on Earth about the same time you departed. I am one of those lucky few who remember a lot of their past experiences. Even on Earth I could remember bits and pieces of my life as a San Deiguito, and ancient race of aboriginals who populated Southern California going back 10 to 12 thousand years before your time on Earth. I was drawn to San Diego, for that reason I believe, and it was my constant longing to go there the eventually convinced Brionna to move from Los Angeles to San Diego. It just felt like home to me. I knew that my Earth experience was all about adventure and I was an adventurous child. That eventually got me killed. When I found out that the Rough Riders were recruiting in preparation for an armed invasion of Cuba I just had to go, so I ran away and enlisted. I was too young though. I didn't really know how to protect myself on the battle field. I stood up when I should have ducked and the next thing I knew I was here, in this domain."
"So you came here with your full memory?" Maureen asked. "How did that affect you when you got here. Some who come here through war bring a lot a trauma with them."
"Apparently this wasn't the first time." Thomas laughed. "I have been an adventurous spirit for quite some time, so I have ended up here through war more than once. I wasn't traumatized by my death, but I did bring a lot of guilt, especially for the pain I caused Brionna. In addition to running away and getting killed I brought my cousin with me, Brionna's son. Brionna's first born, Charles, was my same age. We grew up more as twin brothers than cousins. Brionna had a number of miscarriages before Charles, so he was very special to her. The reason she got married at 16 in fact was because she was with child, but she lost that one and several more before Charles. When I was killed in action and Charles died of malaria, Brionna was devastated. If it wasn't for her other children she would have ended her own life at that time. She was so angry with us boys, mainly me, for running off and getting ourselves killed. Charles, after spending a short while here recycled back to the planet for a new life experience there. Normally I would have done the same thing, possibly being his twin again, but my guilt caused me to stay here. I became a watcher and a guide. I would go to be with Brionna as an etheric visitor and communicate with her through an aspect of her consciousness outside her awareness.
"So the Brionna that I knew didn't know you were there?" Elina said with a smile. "I think she did. In her letters she told me that once or twice she saw a ball of light and she knew there was a presence with her. During the 1920's she started working with other mothers who had lost children in wars other disasters. She became a seeker of lost souls and would use psychic methods for locating missing solders and others who did not return from conflicts or who were lost in floods or storms or tidal waves. That was you, wasn't it, Thomas. You were her spirit guide. In my darkest hours I could also feel a loving presence too. Was that you too?"
"Yes I was there with you too, aunt Elina. I was just joining the party, though. You don't remember now, but you are one of the ancient ones, the first to live as sentient beings on Earth. You have many many old friends, so when I would visit you I would just be part of the crowd. Why you chose to experience such a difficult life was a mystery to your old friends, but I'm glad you did. You have enriched my experience in more ways than I can describe. Yes, Brionna did catch a glimpse of me on more than one occasion, and I had to back off a bit. People were starting to think that she was going crazy with all her talk of spiritual stuff. She even had 'sittings', also called a 'seance', to try to contact the spirits of the departed. So I just stayed in the background outside her awareness until things settled down, and then I would move closer and assist her again."
"So how many of your past lives do you remember? I can barely remember much of my own life on Earth, much less ones before that." Alannah asked.
"Pretty much I just remember my past life with aunt Brionna and uncle Pete. I do get flashbacks from before lives, but not enough to piece together a complete history, or even to separate them into distinct experiences."
"So you have continued to be Brionna's guide after she came here? Are you still feeling guilty?" Maureen asked.
"Yes and no." Thomas replied "I do continue to assist aunt Brionna, but no, I have resolved my guilt an no longer carry that burden."
"So you have paid your debt?" Elina asked.
"Debt?" Thomas asked "You mean like a karmic debt? There really isn't any such thing. Not in the way it has been believed to work, where if I cause you to experience a pound of suffering then you must cause a pound of suffering in my experience to balance it out. It's more like a second chance. You may cause suffering through youthful unenlightened behavior and then from a more mature place work to resolve the suffering you caused through loving sacrifice and forgiveness. There is actually no 'law' that says you have to do anything to resolve suffering you may have caused, but it is an effective way to grow and evolve. By creating loving sacrifice in these domains I have grown as much, maybe more, than I would have if I had recycled to the planet. My plan was to prepare Brionna to recycle with me and then to continue my relationship with her there. But before we could do that the Earth disappeared and we were stuck here. I had hoped that the great awakening which we recently experienced here would have snapped her out of her condition but it has not. She is still spending her time soul searching for her lost children. She has found some, but since Charles, Stewart, Robert and Margaret have recycled they no longer exist as those individuals to be found."
"Alannah?" Elina asked. "How much do you think this has to do with our Mom and Dad? Brionna was devastated when they disappeared. She was only 17 when the letters stopped coming. She was 19 when she went looking for them and spent months roaming around California and Oregon looking for Dad, but had to come back because she was pregnant. I'm not sure she ever recovered from that. Then she lost Charles and Thomas in Cuba and Stewart, Albert, and Robert in World War One. I think that really screwed with her mind. She obsessed about finding lost loved ones."
"I think you are correct. I was angry with Dad for just disappearing the way he did, as were you, but I think it affected Brionna the most. She was still so young, just a teenager, and even though she was married, she still needed her parents. Loosing them must have left a huge hole in her soul."
"Yes." Thomas said. "She has always been incomplete. In searching for missing souls she is searching for the missing parts of herself."
"I have a plan then." Elina said. "Maureen, you said that in order to break her out of her illusion she needs to have something more compelling than the illusion. I think I know what that is. We need to go back to the source, what started it all for her. We need to find Dad."
"That just might do it." Maureen said. "There are no guarantees, but there is only one way to find out. Are you girls ready for that? You have some intense emotions regarding him as well."
"I'm afraid to meet Dad." Alannah said. "But that has never stopped me before. It's time we do this. For the sake of my sisters we need to do this."
"Lets give it a shot then." Thomas said, laying a few dollars on their ticket. "I will tell her that you are reporters, doing a story on finding the lost ones, and that you want to interview her. That will get her started, and you can take it from there."
"Who are these young ladies, Thomas?" Brionna wanted to know.
"They are journalists, aunt Brionna." Thomas replied. "They are doing research on finding the lost. They would like to interview you for their story."
"Oh yes. The newspaper girls. I think I remember you now. I know I knew you from somewhere. If you're going to take pictures though, then I want to go get my hair done first." Brionna said, concerned about her appearance.
"We will have plenty of time before the story goes to press to add the pictures. For now we just want to talk to you about your efforts in finding the lost."
"OK, sure. You came to the right place. Just look around and you will see my success. You have already met Thomas. They told me he was dead, killed in a war with Spain. But they were mistaken, or lying, because I found him, and here he is standing right there. These two ladies on the sofa are my Elizabeth and my youngest, Ruth. Elizabeth was working for the government in Hawaii and Ruth had gone to visit. Ruth was so excited to see the Island. Then the Japanese sent airplanes with bombs and the building they were in was blown up. They were assumed dead, but here they are. Standing there in the doorway is my shy boy, Albert. I got a letter that he was killed in action in Germany. Here he is though, so they were mistaken too. Come in, Albert, and say hello to the ladies."
Albert comes in and gives Elina a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "My goodness, Albert. I just told them how shy you were and here you are kissing on one of them." Brionna said with a look of shock.
"It's OK Mom. I know this girl from a long long time ago." Albert said, with a big smile and a wink for his aunt Elina.
"From school probably?" Brionna said. "Thomas, get some chairs for the ladies so they don't have to just stand there. So that is my success story. I'm still working on finding the rest of my family that is still lost, plus a long list from my neighbors and friends that are looking for there lost ones. I do readings, you know, and many times I can find out where lost people are, and then they come home. I have been finding about one or two a week for my clients. Do you have a lost one that you want to find?"
"We do, but we will talk about that later." Alannah said. "First, for our story, we want to get information about your first search. We understand that when you were still very young, a teen ager, that you went looking for your father, who had disappeared."
"I see." Brionna said glaring at Alannah. "You want to write a story about my failures. You see my success standing before you, so it would be dishonest for you to only write about my failures. You need to promise me you will write the whole story or I will have Thomas show you the door."
"We will certainly write the whole story." Alannah said with a smile. "That is why were are here, to get the complete story, and see where it takes us from there."
"Very well then. I was so afraid. I was 19 years old and I had to travel by myself from Los Angels to that little settlement up in northern California. I stayed with a family there that I had known since I was a baby. The old house was vacant, except for some critters that had moved in. They showed me the place down by the river where Dad had burned everything. Mom died, they said, sort of suddenly. She got sick one day and was gone the next. She was part Indian from India and part Indian from her Dad being native American. So according to traditions he built a funeral pyre and burned her and all her belongings. He also burned all the stuff we left there too. He thought she would want to take it with her. Then without saying anything to anyone he packed up his few belongings and headed out, north they said, but nobody was completely sure.
"I paid a couple of guys there who worked with him to come along and we headed north looking for him in all the logging settlements there were springing up in California and Oregon, but nobody had ever heard of him and we didn't have any pictures to show. Some said that he may have headed East. Nevada, Utah, and Colorado all had logging operations, which is what he knew how to do. I was running short of money, and time, since I was pregnant, so I had to go back home. I remember standing on a hill, crying, looking East into the rising sun, with my hands in the air just trying to pick up a hint, a message from God, anything about his whereabouts. I got nothing. I have never been so sad in my life I don't think, having to turn back, and knowing nothing more than when I started."
"That is such a sad story, Brionna." Elina said. "I have a confession to make too. We are more than journalists. It is true that we came here to get your story. We also came to help with your soul searching. Our friend Maureen is also a seer and a seeker of souls. If you work together I believe that you may be able to determine what became of you father. Would you like to do a little experiment with us. I think it would be good for you to at least know what happened."
"I don't know if that would work. I typically work alone. What sort of experiment are you proposing that we do?" Brionna asked.
"It would work like this, Brionna." Maureen explained. We will focus our minds to the same place and time and person. Then I will sketch what I feel, a face usually, and that will focus our mind even more. If we are successful there will be a flow of knowledge, memories that we have forgotten, things we have been unable to see, that will give us insights that we did not have before. It may be a little uncomfortable if there is a sudden flood off new information, but it is safe, no one will be harmed."
"Well that don't sound too bad." Brionna said. "Lets give it a whirl and see what comes of it. Thomas. Help me to my table and dim the lights. I will do a reading on Dad and Maureen here will see what she can see and draw me a picture. I don't suspect we will see much though, since he's been gone so many years now. He would be over 130 years old so I don't think he's out there hiding in the woods someplace after all this time. It would be nice to know where they put him in the ground though. Maybe I could go there and finally close that chapter in my life for good. OK. Lets do it."
Thomas assisted Brionna to her table where she performs her readings and set a chair for Maureen next to her. The lights were dimmed and the little group crowded around to witness whatever was about to happen.
"OK Maureen, I'm letting my mind flow back into time to the places where Dad might be. I'm looking through my memories of him like looking at an old picture book and trying to pick up some energy that might be his, still floating around there somewhere. Start your pencil a moving and see what you can sketch up and we will take a look at it."
Maureen sketched for quite awhile. This sketch will have more detail that her usual sketch. She finishes and hand it to Brionna.
"Oh My! You are good, Maureen. I only had my memory of Dad which has faded over the years. But here you have drawn him like an old photograph. Yep. That's him alright. Let me see. You also have drawn an axe and a water wheel. What's that all about?"
"I don't know. These were things I drew from your consciousness. These are things you may have been conscious of, but they were outside your awareness. You know these things, but you don't know that you know. It's up to you to determine what they mean."
"OK then. Let me put on my thinking cap and figure this out. An axe and a water wheel. What can that mean? Well it ain't no normal axe for chopping wood. It looks more like an axe a fireman uses to chop through a door or a wall or something like that. The water wheel is like one I saw down at the mill. They used it to turn the saw. Oh my gosh! I think I know. He didn't go to the logging fields, did he? He was getting to old for that wasn't he? He took a job as a fireman in a mill town. That's what he did. So I wandered through all those logging fields looking for someone who was never going to be there. Oh wow. Oh my. It makes me feel all dizzy now. Come hold me Thomas, I'm feeling kind of faint."
Thomas slid his chair close to Brionna and put his arm around her to keep her from falling if she were to faint. Maureen explained. "This is normal Brionna. Because we are both seers our abilities have combined that there was a rush of insight and that can make you feel dizzy and nauseous. It will pass in a minute or two."
"I'm better now." Brionna said. "Lets put our heads back together again, Maureen. I was feeling something so intense before that I had to disconnect. I want to go back to that place in our minds and I think with the both of us concentrating that we can see where he is now, where he was laid to rest. Come hold my hands, Maureen. That will help us concentrate."
Maureen and Brionna held hands and closed their eyes. Brionna described what she was seeing. "I see him now, at least the back of him, walking down a road towards a lake. He's walking slow, and now sitting down to rest. Oh this is strange. Now there are two. One of him is being loaded up on a wagon, as if he died. Another one of him is up again walking to the lake. I'm sensing two words. The one in the wagon is 'there'. The one walking is 'here'. Isn't that strange? That sounds backwards. I think I'm seeing him in the afterlife, but the afterlife feels like 'here' when it should be 'there'. Oh My! I'm dizzy again. Hold me tight Thomas. I'm feeling ill. I haven't felt this way since I ... since I ..." Brionna laid her head on Thomas's shoulder, relaxing, catching her breath, trying not to pass out or get sick.
Brionna's strength returned after a few minutes and she stood and turned and looked straight at Elina. "I don't think I got your name. You neglected to mention it, didn't you? What is you name sweetie?"
"My my my name?" Elina asked, stammering and stuttering a bit.
"Don't stand there with that stupid look on your face. I'm sure you didn't forget it. What is your name?" Brionna insisted.
Elina gave Brionna a big smile and said "Sweetheart, my name is Elina."
"And what is your name, girlie?" Brionna said looking straight at Alannah.
"I think you've already figured that out, pumpkin. I'm Alannah."
Thomas helped Brionna sit down. She was feeling dizzy again. "Nobody has called me pumpkin in a long long time. Yes, I figured it out. I was about to say a minute ago that I haven't felt that ill since I died. I'm dead aren't I. That is why you guys are here. We are all dead aren't we? The reason the afterlife felt more like 'here' than 'there' is because 'here' is where it is. We are in the afterlife, are we not? You guys all knew that didn't you? Why didn't you tell me? Thomas! Why didn't you tell me?"
"I'm sorry aunt Brionna. I tried to tell you many times, but the state of mind you were in would not allow that. With Maureen's and aunt Elina's help your state of mind has been shifted enough for you to understand. I wouldn't call this the afterlife though. I would just call it another life, a different domain of existence where we are very much alive, just not on Earth like we thought. So we are not dead. We are just in another life that is where we live when we are not on Earth. We have fashioned this place to look and feel just like the Earth we remember which is why it is possible to believe that we are still there. It makes it easier for some of us if we just believe that we are still on Earth. It made it easier for you to believe that, so that is what you believed, until now."
The sisters, reunited, talked for hours and hours catching up on the details of lives lived separately. Alannah and Elina cooked a meal like their Mom used to make and they ate and then talked for hours more. Brionna's house has many rooms so the girls spent the night. The morning would bring the start of a bold new adventure and they have much to discuss.
"So Elina. Your sister Alannah is how I remember her. You are not. Can you explain that?" Brionna wanted to know.
Elina explained. "When you saw me that last time on Earth I was 70 years old. That is how I was when Maureen and Alannah found me. It turns out, though, that our age can be regressed. Maureen is studying to get her license as an age regression therapist. Together with Alannah and Maureen they were able to regress my age to what Alannah remembered as my age. That is what you need for regression, someone close to you who has a memory template of you at a certain age. We only know ourselves as being the age we are now, so we need someone who has not seen us in a long time who has in their memory what we were back then."
"That is very interesting." Brionna said. "If we are going to be traipsing around these domains, as you call them, I could use a little regression myself. This old body is pretty worn out and I'm sure Thomas would get tired of helping me walk everywhere. Do you think we can regress a few years off this old body, at least to the point I can walk without help?"
"Maureen, is that possible?" Elina asked. "Can we shave off a few years for her? I remember her when she was 69. She was still pretty spry back then."
"I think so. We can probably do better than that." Maureen explained. "If we blend the memory that Alannah has which is of a much younger Brionna I'm assuming that it will probably split the difference, and we can get her back into her forties."
"That sounds good to me." Brionna said. "How does this age regression work?"
"I'm still new at it but lets give it a try. If it doesn't work at least it won't do any harm. What we will do is all stand close together, arm in arm, and try to let our memories be of an older time, when you were younger. Let your idea of who you are in form, your body, fade away, like turning yourself into smoke, or air. Let your image of who you think you are become like air, which doesn't have a physical shape, but rather fills the shape of the container that it is in. Then let yourself re-form with the younger version that you will see of yourself from the memory of your sisters."
"Lets do it then. Sisters. Take my hands."
Brionna's children watched as the girls gathered in a close embrace with Brionna. For a while nothing happened. Maureen chanted in low musical tones to focus their minds around a specific set of frequencies. After a while they started to get fuzzy, almost like there was just one person there, like they had all blended into one. As the fuzziness diminished and the individual girls started to come back into focus the children were amazed that instead of the hunched over frail grey haired woman, there stood a young woman with soft flowing shoulder length brown hair.
Brionna, feeling full of energy, danced over to a mirror to get a look at her new self. With a shocked look she turned and glared at Alannah. "Oh Sweet Jesus! Forty? I'm a bit short of forty, Alannah, and only you could have done this to me. I'm a little kid. My boobs aren't even ripe yet. What have you done to me?"
"I guess the blending didn't work. I remember you best from the time before I moved to San Francisco. You were barely 15 then. You appear to be about 15 now. During the process I was thinking that it would be to our advantage if you were 15, just like two other 15 year olds I know. That must have counteracted the blending."
"Other 15 year olds?" They all asked.
"I guess I should explain." Alannah said. "Our purpose in coming, as we discussed last night, is to get Brionna to join us when we go find Dad. It's complicated, though. He is involved with some very powerful people, a royal family, and he is the head of this royal family. He has an adopted daughter and she is like the queen of the domains. She has a daughter and an adopted daughter which are known throughout the domains as Princess Penelope and Princess Anahere. They are both about 15."
"So what does this have to do with meeting Dad." Elina asked.
"Well, I think that because of his new relationships with this new family, and because of their political power in the domains, that we can't just pop over and say 'Hey Dad, whats up?'. We have to slowly work our way into his life again so it isn't such a shock, so it isn't disruptive to his new family."
"And we do that how?" Brionna asked.
"Here is my little plan." Alannah said. "We are going to create Princess Brionna. I don't know how yet, but we are going to figure out a way for you to become Penelope's and Anahere's new best friend. Little by little you will reveal your identity to them first and then let them reveal your identity to Dad after you have already become part of their family, so to speak. That will soften the blow and allow you, and then us, to be accepted."
"That sounds like a very devious and sneaky plan, Alannah." Maureen said.
"It also sounds like a plan that might work." Brionna said. "Unfortunately my appearance now is how Dad would remember me too. So I'll have to lay low and out of sight from Dad in the beginning. That will be complicated. I think we can do it though. This is going to be exciting. This young little body is filled with an adventurous energy I haven't felt in I don't know how long. I'll start packing some things. When do we leave?"
"You can throw all those grandma clothes away, Brionna." Elina said with a laugh. "The first place we are going is shopping for some new outfits."
BRIONNA
Soul Searcher
By Gary Brandt
Copyright 2008
Soul Searcher
By Gary Brandt
Copyright 2008
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this story may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Over The Edge Press, 809 W Riordan Rd Ste 100 #405, Flagstaff, AZ 86001
e-mail otep@overtheedgepress.com
www.overtheedgepress.com
Over The Edge Press, 809 W Riordan Rd Ste 100 #405, Flagstaff, AZ 86001
e-mail otep@overtheedgepress.com
www.overtheedgepress.com
Alannah and Elina changed quickly out of their uniforms and got ready to head out for an evening on the town. Tonight they will dine in Capitol City and then cruise the town to see what they can find to entertain themselves. It has been three months since the newly transformed Elina joined Alannah in Crystal City and it has been a nonstop party. Alannah has spent a small fortune entertaining Elina and herself, but she believes it is worth it, and long overdue. Twelve millennia stuck in limited mind sets going nowhere deserves a celebration when you finally break free, and freedom is what Alannah and Elina are experiencing, with a fervor. Both girls are working at the all night diner, so their finances will be replenished, slowly, over time. For the time being, as long as Alannah's bank account holds out, it's continuous entertainment. Maureen, their new friend and partner in exploring the domains, is meeting them for dinner.
"Holy shit, Maureen! What in the world have you done?" Elina asked with a big smile as Maureen approached them in the restaurant.
"How do I look? Am I good enough to party with you guys now?" Maureen asked with an even bigger smile. Age regression therapy is becoming popular in the domains since the process was discovered and Maureen is studying to become a regression therapist.
"You look awesome!" Alannah said. "And you were good enough to party with us when you were 60. How old are you now?"
"I'm about 45 now." Maureen giggled. "I found a relative who had an intact template of me at 45 in their memory and we used that for regression, just the same way as you regressed Elina from your memory. I'm searching for more relatives that may have a younger template, but if I stay forever 45 that's plenty good enough. There ain't nothing a 35 year old can do that a 45 year old can't do better anyway." They all laughed.
After dinner and after saying no to dozens of Capitol City gentlemen the girls danced with a few guys and then retired to a quiet corner table in the bar to discuss business. "Elina and I have the next two days off from the diner." Alannah announced. "So lets get down to business. Where do we need to go to find Brionna?"
"I've located your sister Brionna in a domain of the mid twentieth century era. She is there along with a number of her children. I brought a small sketch pad so I can draw their images for you for verification. In fact, I have most of them done already." Maureen said as she hands Alannah and Elina a small stack of sketches.
Alannah studies the images and asks "OK. The elderly woman you have drawn. I assume this is Brionna?"
"Yes. I estimate her age at about 90 years old, probably the same as her Earth age at the time of her passing." Maureen explains.
"She was about 70 when I left. So she got in another 20 years. Makes sense, her being so pampered her whole life. I had to struggle every day just to survive and there she is in the lap of luxury, soaking up the good life. Remind me to complain about that when we get there." Elina says with a grin and a laugh.
"A word of caution before we go. This domain has been totally resistant to contact with the modern domains. They are stuck in a 1950's version of the old North America and as far as they are concerned that is where they still are. Anything that they experience that contradicts that illusion they either ignore or rationalize so that the illusion is preserved. She may recognize you as her sisters but since you, at your apparent age, would be an anachronistic contradiction, she will not be able to accept you as her sisters. It would destroy her illusion and she will more than likely just think you are someone else who looks like her sisters did when she was young." Maureen explained.
"So then Alannahs hope of a big family reunion is out of the question?" Elina asked.
"Probably. At least not the way you may want it to be." Maureen explained. "The only way to break her out of the illusion is to provide something more compelling than the illusion, but that is a difficult thing to accomplish."
"I may know a way." Elina said with a mischievous smile on her face.
"I don't know any of these kids. They were born after I was gone." Alannah says as she hands the sketches to Elina.
"Yes I know these kids. Is this all of them? There were more than these." Elina says looking at Maureen for possibly more sketches.
"This is all that I feel are with her. My seeing ability's are not perfect, so there may be more, or maybe less. We will have to go there to see. If someone who is not there is constantly on their mind I may see them as being there when they are really not, but I'm usually pretty accurate." Maureen says.
"So you are basically reading her mind and pulling this stuff out that way?" Alannah asked.
"In a round about way, yes" Maureen explains. "I am reading feelings and images from a universal field of consciousness that all life is connected too. My skills as a seer are that I can filter out from the trillions of voices from the one I am looking for. You are also connected to this field as well but you perceive it as trillions of voices all at once. Your mind interprets that as just noise and filters it out. I have the ability to penetrate that filter and find one soul amongst the noise. There are only a few of us that can do that and I have been blessed with that ability."
"I know these kids." Elina says, going through the sketches one by one. "This one here is Albert. He was always a sweet boy, but I think a little slow. He passed in the conflict of 1917. That broke Brionna's heart. She had two older sons who passed in the conflict in Cuba. They joined the Rough Riders when they were 16 against her wishes. They both ran away from home and joined and then she never saw them again. According to the reports I received, one died from a bullet and the other died from malaria. She also lost two more sons in 1918 or thereabouts, to the war in Europe. She was so depressed she could hardly function for years, but then became an active in anti-war movements, and helping other mothers find sons who were missing and assumed dead, but no one knew for sure. The women in these sketches are Elizabeth and Ruth, two of her daughters. They were still living when I left so I don't know how they departed."
"There is one more there Elina, that you set aside. Who is that?" Alannah asked.
Elina shot Maureen a smile and said "Maureen, you know who this last one is, don't you?"
"I think I might." Maureen answered.
"Should we tell her?" Elina asked
"I think we should. I think she is strong enough to handle it." Maureen responded, smiling at Alannah.
"OK you guys, I'm starting to cry. What? Who is it?" Alannah asked.
Elina smiled at Alannah and said "One of these kids is not really Brionna's, although she raised him until he was 16. He is her nephew, Thomas. He is your son, Alannah. The son you never met."
Now tears were streaming down Alannah's face. "Oh. Shit! I didn't even think about that. I knew I had a child but never gave it another thought. Oh my God! What am I going to say to him? How is he going to respond to me?"
"You will be as much a stranger to him as he is to you." Maureen explained. "If it is easier for you, and him, to not bring the subject up then maybe it would be better to just not mention it. He may recognize his aunt Elina, but if he is lost in Brionna's illusion, then he may not know her as his aunt."
The girls discussed their trip for tomorrow and finalized their plans. After the plans had been finalized they had a midnight snack, had a few drinks, danced with a few soon to be broken hearted young men, and headed back to Crystal City for a few hours of sack time before their new adventure.
Elina and Alannah awoke to the chimes of the apartment intercom. Their car was waiting for them and they were not even up and dressed yet. Luckily they had laid out their clothes and travel supplies before they went to bed so they hurriedly dressed and dashed out the door, brushing their teeth as they ran down the hall and spitting into the ash tray as they entered the lobby. Alannah handed the driver the address to Maureen's house. They would go there first before traveling to the mysterious domain of Brionna.
"Good morning girls." Maureen said as she stepped into the hover craft, handing the coordinates of Brionna's domain to the driver. The car whooshed to cruising altitude and soon began a docking procedure at the interface of Brionna's domain. "We are going to have to let you off here, ladies." The driver announced. "This is a period specific domain and we can't take our technology in there. In your travel pouch you will find currency specific to this period. They are called dollars. You can use them to hire transportation to your friends location. Have a good trip and summon us when you need to be picked up and we will come and get you."
The girls exited the hover craft in a foggy area dividing the two domains. As they emerged from the fog they were standing on a residential street in what appeared to be a middle class neighborhood. Some of the newer homes were brick and some were older wooden houses. Not knowing which way to go they took off in a random direction hoping to find the center of town and a cab to rent. Then they spied a cab driver dropping off a resident and hailed the driver before he could leave the neighborhood. "Where to, ladies?" The cab driver asked.
"Take us to Cresida drive." Elina said. "I'm not sure what house it is, but I'll recognize it. I never actually saw the house but Brionna described it to me over and over again. She was all excited because she was working with the architect on a custom design. I'm sure she manifested that same house here in this domain."
The cab driver gave her a funny look and said. "OK lady. The fare will be about $2.25 for the three of you. You girls got enough to cover that?"
Elina laughed and said. "Yes. We got ya covered on the fare. Drive on and let us know when we are on the block."
The cab wound its way through the streets of what appeared to be San Diego California many many years ago. After about 20 minutes the cab driver pulled to the curb and said "Here you go girls. This is Cresida drive. It ain't very long, you can get out and walk until you find what you are looking for."
Elina handed the driver $3 and told him to keep the change. The girls walked past a number of nice homes until suddenly Elina said "That it!. That is the house that Brionna built. It's gotta be. It's just like what she described. Come one girls. Lets go knock on the door."
"It's got a door bell thingy." Alannah said. "OK. Here we go. I'm pushing it. Let's see what destiny has in store for us today." There was a sound of a door bell echoing through the house and then the sound of several very small dogs barking and scampering over wooden floors. A young man, apparently in his mid thirties, approached the door, then stopped suddenly, then said "Holy Shit!" as he hurriedly came out the screen door and closed the wooden door behind him. "Aunt Elina! What the hell are you doing here? Oh My God! Is this my Mom? Elina! You've regressed!" Thomas said as he gave a shocked Elina a big hug. Turning and hugging Alannah Thomas said "Hi Mom. It's good to finally meet you." Alannah's heart was beating so fast she was terrified that she would pass out. She held tight to Thomas just in case.
"Apparently you're not part of this illusion, are you Thomas?" Maureen asked.
"No ma'am. I'm just visiting. I come and check on aunt Brionna from time to time. I live in a different domain where we are much more aware. That is why I hurried out here and shut the door. If you just walked in there I'm not sure how she would handle it. In addition to being lost in her illusion, she is also a bit senile, so we need to do this carefully. I've got a car, lets go someplace and get a cup of coffee or something and figure out how to handle this."
Thomas took the girls to a donut shop where they could sit and talk and create a strategy for introducing themselves to Brionna, and catch up on old times. "I'm sorry for the hurried hello, Mom. I would have preferred a more formal meeting, but you guys didn't give me any warning. I almost had a heart attack when I saw you at the door."
"My heart fluttered a few times too! I'm sorry for the shock Thomas. I don't really know what to say. I wasn't there after you were born, so I don't really know you. I intend to get to know you though, but that will take some time. I'm still in shock meeting you, especially from the suddenness of it all." Alannah said, not knowing if she should laugh or cry or just run like hell.
"We seem to have nothing but time in these domains, Mom. I'm sure we will get to know each other very well. So? Why the sudden visit? What sort of mission are you guys on?"
"It's sort of a long story, Thomas." Alannah begins. "Apparently I was stuck in some sort of a zombie state for a long long time. All I did was eat, sleep, and work and the rest of life passed me by without my ever knowing it. I had no memory of the past and no concept of a future. A few months ago my employer insisted that I undergo reconstitution therapy to break me out of that trap. I visited my friend Maureen, here with us today, and underwent the therapy and much of my memory has now been restored. I'm Alannah again, instead of that zombie girl with the blank stare, that I was for so long. The very first thing I did then was go find Elina. Maureen and I found her locked in her own private hell and we got her out of there. Elina and I then spent a few months traveling the domains and having fun, and now we have come to find Brionna. I never expected to find you, Thomas. This is an unexpected bonus, but I'm glad it happened. It seems you can help us with Brionna. Tell us about Brionna, but first, tell us about you."
"Well, as you know I arrived on Earth about the same time you departed. I am one of those lucky few who remember a lot of their past experiences. Even on Earth I could remember bits and pieces of my life as a San Deiguito, and ancient race of aboriginals who populated Southern California going back 10 to 12 thousand years before your time on Earth. I was drawn to San Diego, for that reason I believe, and it was my constant longing to go there the eventually convinced Brionna to move from Los Angeles to San Diego. It just felt like home to me. I knew that my Earth experience was all about adventure and I was an adventurous child. That eventually got me killed. When I found out that the Rough Riders were recruiting in preparation for an armed invasion of Cuba I just had to go, so I ran away and enlisted. I was too young though. I didn't really know how to protect myself on the battle field. I stood up when I should have ducked and the next thing I knew I was here, in this domain."
"So you came here with your full memory?" Maureen asked. "How did that affect you when you got here. Some who come here through war bring a lot a trauma with them."
"Apparently this wasn't the first time." Thomas laughed. "I have been an adventurous spirit for quite some time, so I have ended up here through war more than once. I wasn't traumatized by my death, but I did bring a lot of guilt, especially for the pain I caused Brionna. In addition to running away and getting killed I brought my cousin with me, Brionna's son. Brionna's first born, Charles, was my same age. We grew up more as twin brothers than cousins. Brionna had a number of miscarriages before Charles, so he was very special to her. The reason she got married at 16 in fact was because she was with child, but she lost that one and several more before Charles. When I was killed in action and Charles died of malaria, Brionna was devastated. If it wasn't for her other children she would have ended her own life at that time. She was so angry with us boys, mainly me, for running off and getting ourselves killed. Charles, after spending a short while here recycled back to the planet for a new life experience there. Normally I would have done the same thing, possibly being his twin again, but my guilt caused me to stay here. I became a watcher and a guide. I would go to be with Brionna as an etheric visitor and communicate with her through an aspect of her consciousness outside her awareness.
"So the Brionna that I knew didn't know you were there?" Elina said with a smile. "I think she did. In her letters she told me that once or twice she saw a ball of light and she knew there was a presence with her. During the 1920's she started working with other mothers who had lost children in wars other disasters. She became a seeker of lost souls and would use psychic methods for locating missing solders and others who did not return from conflicts or who were lost in floods or storms or tidal waves. That was you, wasn't it, Thomas. You were her spirit guide. In my darkest hours I could also feel a loving presence too. Was that you too?"
"Yes I was there with you too, aunt Elina. I was just joining the party, though. You don't remember now, but you are one of the ancient ones, the first to live as sentient beings on Earth. You have many many old friends, so when I would visit you I would just be part of the crowd. Why you chose to experience such a difficult life was a mystery to your old friends, but I'm glad you did. You have enriched my experience in more ways than I can describe. Yes, Brionna did catch a glimpse of me on more than one occasion, and I had to back off a bit. People were starting to think that she was going crazy with all her talk of spiritual stuff. She even had 'sittings', also called a 'seance', to try to contact the spirits of the departed. So I just stayed in the background outside her awareness until things settled down, and then I would move closer and assist her again."
"So how many of your past lives do you remember? I can barely remember much of my own life on Earth, much less ones before that." Alannah asked.
"Pretty much I just remember my past life with aunt Brionna and uncle Pete. I do get flashbacks from before lives, but not enough to piece together a complete history, or even to separate them into distinct experiences."
"So you have continued to be Brionna's guide after she came here? Are you still feeling guilty?" Maureen asked.
"Yes and no." Thomas replied "I do continue to assist aunt Brionna, but no, I have resolved my guilt an no longer carry that burden."
"So you have paid your debt?" Elina asked.
"Debt?" Thomas asked "You mean like a karmic debt? There really isn't any such thing. Not in the way it has been believed to work, where if I cause you to experience a pound of suffering then you must cause a pound of suffering in my experience to balance it out. It's more like a second chance. You may cause suffering through youthful unenlightened behavior and then from a more mature place work to resolve the suffering you caused through loving sacrifice and forgiveness. There is actually no 'law' that says you have to do anything to resolve suffering you may have caused, but it is an effective way to grow and evolve. By creating loving sacrifice in these domains I have grown as much, maybe more, than I would have if I had recycled to the planet. My plan was to prepare Brionna to recycle with me and then to continue my relationship with her there. But before we could do that the Earth disappeared and we were stuck here. I had hoped that the great awakening which we recently experienced here would have snapped her out of her condition but it has not. She is still spending her time soul searching for her lost children. She has found some, but since Charles, Stewart, Robert and Margaret have recycled they no longer exist as those individuals to be found."
"Alannah?" Elina asked. "How much do you think this has to do with our Mom and Dad? Brionna was devastated when they disappeared. She was only 17 when the letters stopped coming. She was 19 when she went looking for them and spent months roaming around California and Oregon looking for Dad, but had to come back because she was pregnant. I'm not sure she ever recovered from that. Then she lost Charles and Thomas in Cuba and Stewart, Albert, and Robert in World War One. I think that really screwed with her mind. She obsessed about finding lost loved ones."
"I think you are correct. I was angry with Dad for just disappearing the way he did, as were you, but I think it affected Brionna the most. She was still so young, just a teenager, and even though she was married, she still needed her parents. Loosing them must have left a huge hole in her soul."
"Yes." Thomas said. "She has always been incomplete. In searching for missing souls she is searching for the missing parts of herself."
"I have a plan then." Elina said. "Maureen, you said that in order to break her out of her illusion she needs to have something more compelling than the illusion. I think I know what that is. We need to go back to the source, what started it all for her. We need to find Dad."
"That just might do it." Maureen said. "There are no guarantees, but there is only one way to find out. Are you girls ready for that? You have some intense emotions regarding him as well."
"I'm afraid to meet Dad." Alannah said. "But that has never stopped me before. It's time we do this. For the sake of my sisters we need to do this."
"Lets give it a shot then." Thomas said, laying a few dollars on their ticket. "I will tell her that you are reporters, doing a story on finding the lost ones, and that you want to interview her. That will get her started, and you can take it from there."
"Who are these young ladies, Thomas?" Brionna wanted to know.
"They are journalists, aunt Brionna." Thomas replied. "They are doing research on finding the lost. They would like to interview you for their story."
"Oh yes. The newspaper girls. I think I remember you now. I know I knew you from somewhere. If you're going to take pictures though, then I want to go get my hair done first." Brionna said, concerned about her appearance.
"We will have plenty of time before the story goes to press to add the pictures. For now we just want to talk to you about your efforts in finding the lost."
"OK, sure. You came to the right place. Just look around and you will see my success. You have already met Thomas. They told me he was dead, killed in a war with Spain. But they were mistaken, or lying, because I found him, and here he is standing right there. These two ladies on the sofa are my Elizabeth and my youngest, Ruth. Elizabeth was working for the government in Hawaii and Ruth had gone to visit. Ruth was so excited to see the Island. Then the Japanese sent airplanes with bombs and the building they were in was blown up. They were assumed dead, but here they are. Standing there in the doorway is my shy boy, Albert. I got a letter that he was killed in action in Germany. Here he is though, so they were mistaken too. Come in, Albert, and say hello to the ladies."
Albert comes in and gives Elina a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "My goodness, Albert. I just told them how shy you were and here you are kissing on one of them." Brionna said with a look of shock.
"It's OK Mom. I know this girl from a long long time ago." Albert said, with a big smile and a wink for his aunt Elina.
"From school probably?" Brionna said. "Thomas, get some chairs for the ladies so they don't have to just stand there. So that is my success story. I'm still working on finding the rest of my family that is still lost, plus a long list from my neighbors and friends that are looking for there lost ones. I do readings, you know, and many times I can find out where lost people are, and then they come home. I have been finding about one or two a week for my clients. Do you have a lost one that you want to find?"
"We do, but we will talk about that later." Alannah said. "First, for our story, we want to get information about your first search. We understand that when you were still very young, a teen ager, that you went looking for your father, who had disappeared."
"I see." Brionna said glaring at Alannah. "You want to write a story about my failures. You see my success standing before you, so it would be dishonest for you to only write about my failures. You need to promise me you will write the whole story or I will have Thomas show you the door."
"We will certainly write the whole story." Alannah said with a smile. "That is why were are here, to get the complete story, and see where it takes us from there."
"Very well then. I was so afraid. I was 19 years old and I had to travel by myself from Los Angels to that little settlement up in northern California. I stayed with a family there that I had known since I was a baby. The old house was vacant, except for some critters that had moved in. They showed me the place down by the river where Dad had burned everything. Mom died, they said, sort of suddenly. She got sick one day and was gone the next. She was part Indian from India and part Indian from her Dad being native American. So according to traditions he built a funeral pyre and burned her and all her belongings. He also burned all the stuff we left there too. He thought she would want to take it with her. Then without saying anything to anyone he packed up his few belongings and headed out, north they said, but nobody was completely sure.
"I paid a couple of guys there who worked with him to come along and we headed north looking for him in all the logging settlements there were springing up in California and Oregon, but nobody had ever heard of him and we didn't have any pictures to show. Some said that he may have headed East. Nevada, Utah, and Colorado all had logging operations, which is what he knew how to do. I was running short of money, and time, since I was pregnant, so I had to go back home. I remember standing on a hill, crying, looking East into the rising sun, with my hands in the air just trying to pick up a hint, a message from God, anything about his whereabouts. I got nothing. I have never been so sad in my life I don't think, having to turn back, and knowing nothing more than when I started."
"That is such a sad story, Brionna." Elina said. "I have a confession to make too. We are more than journalists. It is true that we came here to get your story. We also came to help with your soul searching. Our friend Maureen is also a seer and a seeker of souls. If you work together I believe that you may be able to determine what became of you father. Would you like to do a little experiment with us. I think it would be good for you to at least know what happened."
"I don't know if that would work. I typically work alone. What sort of experiment are you proposing that we do?" Brionna asked.
"It would work like this, Brionna." Maureen explained. We will focus our minds to the same place and time and person. Then I will sketch what I feel, a face usually, and that will focus our mind even more. If we are successful there will be a flow of knowledge, memories that we have forgotten, things we have been unable to see, that will give us insights that we did not have before. It may be a little uncomfortable if there is a sudden flood off new information, but it is safe, no one will be harmed."
"Well that don't sound too bad." Brionna said. "Lets give it a whirl and see what comes of it. Thomas. Help me to my table and dim the lights. I will do a reading on Dad and Maureen here will see what she can see and draw me a picture. I don't suspect we will see much though, since he's been gone so many years now. He would be over 130 years old so I don't think he's out there hiding in the woods someplace after all this time. It would be nice to know where they put him in the ground though. Maybe I could go there and finally close that chapter in my life for good. OK. Lets do it."
Thomas assisted Brionna to her table where she performs her readings and set a chair for Maureen next to her. The lights were dimmed and the little group crowded around to witness whatever was about to happen.
"OK Maureen, I'm letting my mind flow back into time to the places where Dad might be. I'm looking through my memories of him like looking at an old picture book and trying to pick up some energy that might be his, still floating around there somewhere. Start your pencil a moving and see what you can sketch up and we will take a look at it."
Maureen sketched for quite awhile. This sketch will have more detail that her usual sketch. She finishes and hand it to Brionna.
"Oh My! You are good, Maureen. I only had my memory of Dad which has faded over the years. But here you have drawn him like an old photograph. Yep. That's him alright. Let me see. You also have drawn an axe and a water wheel. What's that all about?"
"I don't know. These were things I drew from your consciousness. These are things you may have been conscious of, but they were outside your awareness. You know these things, but you don't know that you know. It's up to you to determine what they mean."
"OK then. Let me put on my thinking cap and figure this out. An axe and a water wheel. What can that mean? Well it ain't no normal axe for chopping wood. It looks more like an axe a fireman uses to chop through a door or a wall or something like that. The water wheel is like one I saw down at the mill. They used it to turn the saw. Oh my gosh! I think I know. He didn't go to the logging fields, did he? He was getting to old for that wasn't he? He took a job as a fireman in a mill town. That's what he did. So I wandered through all those logging fields looking for someone who was never going to be there. Oh wow. Oh my. It makes me feel all dizzy now. Come hold me Thomas, I'm feeling kind of faint."
Thomas slid his chair close to Brionna and put his arm around her to keep her from falling if she were to faint. Maureen explained. "This is normal Brionna. Because we are both seers our abilities have combined that there was a rush of insight and that can make you feel dizzy and nauseous. It will pass in a minute or two."
"I'm better now." Brionna said. "Lets put our heads back together again, Maureen. I was feeling something so intense before that I had to disconnect. I want to go back to that place in our minds and I think with the both of us concentrating that we can see where he is now, where he was laid to rest. Come hold my hands, Maureen. That will help us concentrate."
Maureen and Brionna held hands and closed their eyes. Brionna described what she was seeing. "I see him now, at least the back of him, walking down a road towards a lake. He's walking slow, and now sitting down to rest. Oh this is strange. Now there are two. One of him is being loaded up on a wagon, as if he died. Another one of him is up again walking to the lake. I'm sensing two words. The one in the wagon is 'there'. The one walking is 'here'. Isn't that strange? That sounds backwards. I think I'm seeing him in the afterlife, but the afterlife feels like 'here' when it should be 'there'. Oh My! I'm dizzy again. Hold me tight Thomas. I'm feeling ill. I haven't felt this way since I ... since I ..." Brionna laid her head on Thomas's shoulder, relaxing, catching her breath, trying not to pass out or get sick.
Brionna's strength returned after a few minutes and she stood and turned and looked straight at Elina. "I don't think I got your name. You neglected to mention it, didn't you? What is you name sweetie?"
"My my my name?" Elina asked, stammering and stuttering a bit.
"Don't stand there with that stupid look on your face. I'm sure you didn't forget it. What is your name?" Brionna insisted.
Elina gave Brionna a big smile and said "Sweetheart, my name is Elina."
"And what is your name, girlie?" Brionna said looking straight at Alannah.
"I think you've already figured that out, pumpkin. I'm Alannah."
Thomas helped Brionna sit down. She was feeling dizzy again. "Nobody has called me pumpkin in a long long time. Yes, I figured it out. I was about to say a minute ago that I haven't felt that ill since I died. I'm dead aren't I. That is why you guys are here. We are all dead aren't we? The reason the afterlife felt more like 'here' than 'there' is because 'here' is where it is. We are in the afterlife, are we not? You guys all knew that didn't you? Why didn't you tell me? Thomas! Why didn't you tell me?"
"I'm sorry aunt Brionna. I tried to tell you many times, but the state of mind you were in would not allow that. With Maureen's and aunt Elina's help your state of mind has been shifted enough for you to understand. I wouldn't call this the afterlife though. I would just call it another life, a different domain of existence where we are very much alive, just not on Earth like we thought. So we are not dead. We are just in another life that is where we live when we are not on Earth. We have fashioned this place to look and feel just like the Earth we remember which is why it is possible to believe that we are still there. It makes it easier for some of us if we just believe that we are still on Earth. It made it easier for you to believe that, so that is what you believed, until now."
The sisters, reunited, talked for hours and hours catching up on the details of lives lived separately. Alannah and Elina cooked a meal like their Mom used to make and they ate and then talked for hours more. Brionna's house has many rooms so the girls spent the night. The morning would bring the start of a bold new adventure and they have much to discuss.
"So Elina. Your sister Alannah is how I remember her. You are not. Can you explain that?" Brionna wanted to know.
Elina explained. "When you saw me that last time on Earth I was 70 years old. That is how I was when Maureen and Alannah found me. It turns out, though, that our age can be regressed. Maureen is studying to get her license as an age regression therapist. Together with Alannah and Maureen they were able to regress my age to what Alannah remembered as my age. That is what you need for regression, someone close to you who has a memory template of you at a certain age. We only know ourselves as being the age we are now, so we need someone who has not seen us in a long time who has in their memory what we were back then."
"That is very interesting." Brionna said. "If we are going to be traipsing around these domains, as you call them, I could use a little regression myself. This old body is pretty worn out and I'm sure Thomas would get tired of helping me walk everywhere. Do you think we can regress a few years off this old body, at least to the point I can walk without help?"
"Maureen, is that possible?" Elina asked. "Can we shave off a few years for her? I remember her when she was 69. She was still pretty spry back then."
"I think so. We can probably do better than that." Maureen explained. "If we blend the memory that Alannah has which is of a much younger Brionna I'm assuming that it will probably split the difference, and we can get her back into her forties."
"That sounds good to me." Brionna said. "How does this age regression work?"
"I'm still new at it but lets give it a try. If it doesn't work at least it won't do any harm. What we will do is all stand close together, arm in arm, and try to let our memories be of an older time, when you were younger. Let your idea of who you are in form, your body, fade away, like turning yourself into smoke, or air. Let your image of who you think you are become like air, which doesn't have a physical shape, but rather fills the shape of the container that it is in. Then let yourself re-form with the younger version that you will see of yourself from the memory of your sisters."
"Lets do it then. Sisters. Take my hands."
Brionna's children watched as the girls gathered in a close embrace with Brionna. For a while nothing happened. Maureen chanted in low musical tones to focus their minds around a specific set of frequencies. After a while they started to get fuzzy, almost like there was just one person there, like they had all blended into one. As the fuzziness diminished and the individual girls started to come back into focus the children were amazed that instead of the hunched over frail grey haired woman, there stood a young woman with soft flowing shoulder length brown hair.
Brionna, feeling full of energy, danced over to a mirror to get a look at her new self. With a shocked look she turned and glared at Alannah. "Oh Sweet Jesus! Forty? I'm a bit short of forty, Alannah, and only you could have done this to me. I'm a little kid. My boobs aren't even ripe yet. What have you done to me?"
"I guess the blending didn't work. I remember you best from the time before I moved to San Francisco. You were barely 15 then. You appear to be about 15 now. During the process I was thinking that it would be to our advantage if you were 15, just like two other 15 year olds I know. That must have counteracted the blending."
"Other 15 year olds?" They all asked.
"I guess I should explain." Alannah said. "Our purpose in coming, as we discussed last night, is to get Brionna to join us when we go find Dad. It's complicated, though. He is involved with some very powerful people, a royal family, and he is the head of this royal family. He has an adopted daughter and she is like the queen of the domains. She has a daughter and an adopted daughter which are known throughout the domains as Princess Penelope and Princess Anahere. They are both about 15."
"So what does this have to do with meeting Dad." Elina asked.
"Well, I think that because of his new relationships with this new family, and because of their political power in the domains, that we can't just pop over and say 'Hey Dad, whats up?'. We have to slowly work our way into his life again so it isn't such a shock, so it isn't disruptive to his new family."
"And we do that how?" Brionna asked.
"Here is my little plan." Alannah said. "We are going to create Princess Brionna. I don't know how yet, but we are going to figure out a way for you to become Penelope's and Anahere's new best friend. Little by little you will reveal your identity to them first and then let them reveal your identity to Dad after you have already become part of their family, so to speak. That will soften the blow and allow you, and then us, to be accepted."
"That sounds like a very devious and sneaky plan, Alannah." Maureen said.
"It also sounds like a plan that might work." Brionna said. "Unfortunately my appearance now is how Dad would remember me too. So I'll have to lay low and out of sight from Dad in the beginning. That will be complicated. I think we can do it though. This is going to be exciting. This young little body is filled with an adventurous energy I haven't felt in I don't know how long. I'll start packing some things. When do we leave?"
"You can throw all those grandma clothes away, Brionna." Elina said with a laugh. "The first place we are going is shopping for some new outfits."
The End (for now).
I’m pretending to be an author. I have written a couple of books and a number of short stories. Here is one of the short stores.
Copyright 2008
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this story may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Over The Edge Press, 809 W Riordan Rd Ste 100 #405, Flagstaff, AZ 86001
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www.overtheedgepress.com
Alannah stands quietly at the bus stop. It has only been a few days since Alannah stood here, stuck in her temporal dead zone, without a past, and a future that will be only a re-run of yesterday. Now the dull doe eyed non-seeing eyes of yesterday are bright with excitement, delightfully scanning a landscape that is full of potential adventure. Today Alannah will return to the little clinic past the edge of the city for a follow up review regarding her reconstitution therapy. That was such a fearful day, but now, Alannah is excited to return.
The bus ascended to its cruising altitude, about 100 feet above the pedestrian pathway, and began to accelerate to cruising velocity. As the cityscape scrolls by outside the window Alannah can't help but ponder the changes. When she first arrived in Crystal City it was just a short street of wooden buildings on one side of a dirt road. Now it is a major metropolis bustling with residents and visitors busily moving from place to place doing whatever it is that they do. There are still many, who like her, are stuck in their forgetfulness, zombie like, re-living the same day over and over again. Alannah muses that she may start a crusade to find and release these dead souls from their temporal prison. Today though, her thoughts are on Elina, her sister, whom she misses desperately. At last the bus stops at the end of the line and Alannah departs, skipping down the cobblestone path to the small gated cottage.
Alannah checks her appointment slip to make sure this is the right place and the right time. It is. "Welcome, my sister." Maureen says as she gives her standard greeting to her patient. "I'm glad to see that your therapy has progressed so remarkably well. You don't need to say a thing, I can see the sparkle in your eyes. How can I help you today? Do you want to find more people from your past? Do you want more sketches of their faces so you can remember them?"
"No thank you, Maureen." Alannah replies. "I have more than enough sketches. I need more than just a picture. I need to actually touch them, feel them, hug them, kiss them, cuddle them, caress them, and know them. During my therapy session you said that you may possibly get an address for my sister Elina. Of all those from my past I miss her the most. You said that she was like me, alone, without any other family. That is what I want to work on today, finding Elina"
"My my my, Alannah. I think you are my most advanced patient. It usually takes months or years to reach the point of looking for lost loved ones. I must caution you. You may not find what you think you will find. So you must be prepared for disappointment and failure. Are you ready for that? It could be very sad."
A little fear crept into Alannah's soul as she asked "What kind of failure. You mean that I may not be able to find her?"
"It's a little more complicated that that." Maureen replied. "Yes, it could be that we may not be able to find her, or maybe we locate the domain but it is closed and we cannot enter it, or we do get in but then still cannot find her within it. Finding someone, though, may be the easy part. After you find them, they may not know you, or maybe they do know you but don't want to have anything to do with you. In some of the worst cases that I have seen, we find them and they do want to know you and they come home with you and then thoroughly mess up and complicate your life in ways you could never have predicted. So there is risk, great risk, of big disappointment. Do you still want to proceed?"
"Yes, most definitely." Alannah said with an excited smile. "My life has been so boring for so long that any complications will be a welcome change. Elina was always very complicated and hard to understand, so I'm used to that anyway. Lets just do it!"
"Very well then. We will do it!" Maureen said, adopting Alannah's excitement. "First I will make a small sketch to focus my mind and direct our intention to locate Elina." Maureen grabs a small pad of paper and sketches the image of a face and passes it to Alannah for approval.
"Yes. That is the Elina that I remember." Alannah says, acknowledging that accuracy of the sketch.
Maureen begins a second sketch and also hands it to Alannah. "I'm confused." Alannah responds. "This is a sketch of an elderly woman. Who is this?"
"Ah." Maureen responds. "I told you that you may not find what you are looking for. You left Earth when you were 27 years old, and now you appear to be no older than maybe 30 or so. Elina left Earth when she was 75, and I feel that she has retained that form. So your idea of gallivanting around Capitol City having fun and exciting adventures with your little sister, has now been dashed. Your little sister is an elderly woman so you may have little in common. Do you want to proceed?"
"Ugh! I didn't think about that. But you don't know Elina. Cruising the bars and buying clothes will probably be just as fun with her at 75 as it is with someone else who is 25. So lets continue."
"So I see, as you have just revealed, that you intend to bring her here and engage in activities that require a lot of money. Do you have the financial ability to do that?" Maureen asked with a look of concern.
"Ha! I just recently discovered this myself, but I'm actually quite wealthy. For more years than I can begin to remember all I have done is work and sleep. I paid my bills and the few credits I had left were put in the bank. With interest I now have a large number of credits, more than enough to support Elina and the rest of my family if I can find them."
"Very good." Maureen says with a big smile. "Maybe when you get back we can talk about a construction loan to expand my clinic." They both laughed.
After a short meditation Maureen scribbles some notes in her notebook. "This is what I can see, Alannah. As I said last time, Elina is still Elina, she has retained her form as she was when she left Earth. Here is where it gets a little strange. You Elina is a very special soul. As you know, we are all creatures of consciousness who have assumed physical form, become form, on Earth, most recently in the form of Humanity. As consciousness we are infinite in extent, an aspect of the All that Is. We are not, however, aware of that infinity, and our awareness is actually a self contained little perceptual bubble within consciousness, and that is what we call the 'I', the individual that you perceive yourself to be.
"When we are at the level 3 experience of being human on Earth we are inside a much larger bubble which contains that entire universe, and many others that are dimensionally out of phase with the Earth that we know. Here, though, where the dimensional densities are much lighter, our bubbles of awareness are much smaller, there being many of them instead of one, and within which we can manifest all sorts of different realities, as opposed to the single reality that we are stuck with on Earth. All this has become common knowledge since the great awakening.
"What we still have little understanding of, however, is the role of the domain managers, those within whos perceptual bubble, their domain of awareness, many other souls manifest their human form, and other life forms as well. That is for the most part still a mystery. We do know that those who are host for a domain, such as this one that we know as Crystal City, are typically highly evolved beings with a long history of past lives on Earth and many other realities as well."
"Ok. I'm still new at this stuff, but I think I have a basic understanding of all that. My boss at the diner explained most of that. So what does that have to do with Elina? What sort of domain did she manifest into?" Alannah wanted to know.
"Well, that is the weird part. As I said before, Elina is alone, but not the same way as you. You are alone, without any family, in a domain of millions of souls. Elina is alone in a domain of one. That means that she is also the domain manager, the host, for that domain. That would indicate that she is a highly evolved being. These beings normally attract many like minded individuals to share their domain with them. She is alone. That is strange."
"Believe me. Elina has always been a bit strange." Alannah said with a laugh. "So I'm not surprised that she is still a misfit, even in this existence. "Go on. I feel you have more to say about Elina's strange behavior."
"Yes, I do. I sense that this domain is a dark one, Hades class, her own personal hell. Elina seems to have all the characteristics of an enlightened being. Such beings don't create their own personal hell. They know better. This is indeed very strange. Because this situation is so strange I'm not sure you will be safe visiting her. If, for example, she has gone mad, and she is the host of her own domain, then there is some danger that if you enter that domain you may have a difficult time getting home again. Are you sure you want to risk that?"
"Hmmmm. This is a bit scary. It is also something that I must do. If Elina is in trouble then I need to go see what is going on. She may need help. Maybe I should take along a more experienced traveler. You busy?" Alannah asked with a smile.
Maureen grinned broadly and answered. "I was just thinking to myself how I could invite myself along. This looks like an interesting project. Let me prepare my things and we will start our adventure."
Alannah and Maureen headed back into town to catch a transport to Elina's domain. Maureen is not too sure of the coordinates and they will have to install a trans-dimensional conduit to gain entry, unless the domain is blocked. If it is blocked they may not be able to enter.
"So, Maureen. When we go to Elina's domain we are basically going inside her head. Is that correct?" Alannah asked.
"I suppose you can look at it that way. A domain is actually part of an infinite expanse that has coalesced into a region of awareness where a local space-time continuum can manifest, and then we can manifest within that. We don't really know how it works. It is something that happens from the infinite field automatically. It is like digesting food. It just happens because that is the way it works and we don't have to think about it. So to say that it is here or there, in her head or not, is not really relevant. It just is."
"Do you think she knows we are coming?"
"She may but I doubt it. She will certainly know when we arrive."
The girls left the bus station and headed over to the transport station. Maureen has reserved a transport and Alannah paid the fare. "Oh wow. I just realized that this is the very first time I have ever left Crystal City. I'm a little bit scared." Alannah confessed.
The transport accelerated with a whoosh towards the edge of Crystal City and then came to a stop. The pilot and copilot were busy adjusting some equipment and the copilot said "We are calibrating the TDC ma'am. This will just take a minute. The domain coordinates that you provided are difficult to get a lock on so bear with us."
"What do you think we are going to find in there?" Alannah asked.
"There is no telling Alannah. These domains can be whatever they want to be. The Hades class are usually not very nice. They are created as a place of torment, so that souls who thing they must be punished and suffer can live out that chosen destiny. This could turn out to not be fun at all." Maureen explained.
"Ma'am. We were having a problem finding a place to enter the domain because it was too hot. A cool spot has formed, though, but we are not going to be able to enter the domain. What we can do, though, is activate the TDC and then dock along side. You will have to walk. Are you sure you want to enter there? We may not be able to get you out again." The pilot said with a look of great concern.
"We will be just fine." Alannah responded. "I don't know how I know that, but I just do. And she knows we are here too. That is why that cool spot appeared just now when it did. We will be fine."
The hover craft approached a swirling vortex at the boundary of the Crystal City domain and opened the side door. On the other side was a rock pathway flowing with cool water. Beyond that a deep red glow illuminated the entire domain.
"Are you ready?" Alannah asked Maureen, looking for a little emotional support.
"I'm as ready as I'm going to get. Lets do it!"
The girls carefully stepped out of the craft and onto the rock pathway. As the began to walk down the path the TDC vortex, and the craft on the other side, vanished. They were alone on a barren landscape, somewhat reminiscent of a fresh lava flow. Fire and hot rocks were in every direction, except for the one cool spot where they stood. As they moved down the pathway, cool water would emerge from the ground cooling the pathway so they could continue.
"See. I told you she was here. How else could this be happening. We would have burned up by now." Alannah said.
"It could be all automatic, but I sort of agree with you. I think she has welcomed us into her domain. Let's see where the path leads." Maureen said as she motioned for Alannah to follow her down the path.
For more than an hour the girls followed the path as it wound through barren burning desert and into a dense forest of irregular shaped boulders. Finally a clearing appeared. In the middle of the clearing was a table and a chair and a small elderly woman surrounded by a mountain of books and papers and magazines. She was hunched over reading a newspaper. As she would finish a page she would toss it into a nearby pool of lava where it would instantly burn up. The girls carefully approached her until they were standing right in front of her. Elina did not look up. She just said "OK Alannah. You're here. What do you want?"
"I want to tell you how much I love you, how much I miss you, and I want to catch up on all our missing years. Put that paper down and look at me. I want to see your face." Alannah said.
"Still bossy after all these years, huh?" Elina said looking up at Alannah. "Have a seat girls." Two chairs had materialized and Alannah and Maureen sat down. "So who is your friend Alannah? Is she one of your lovers in that lesbo domain you live in?"
"Her name is Maureen, and she is not my lover. In fact I have no lovers and our domain is not 'lesbo'. It is just all women but that doesn't mean we are sexual with women just because we live there." Alannah explained.
"Yeah? Whatever suits you then. I love you too. I miss you too. Our history is simple. We are both dead. Now why don't you girls go back home to your girly world and have a nice life."
"I'm not dead, and neither are you. We have a lot of catching up to do Elina, and just because you are manifested here as a wrinkled up old lady, I'm still your big sister, and I'm going to stay here until I get some answers." Alannah said, looking at her sister with an intensity that was not going to take no for answer.
"So the only way to get rid of you is answer your stupid questions? Go ahead then, ask. You may not like the answers though, so be careful what you ask."
"OK. To start off, how did you know where I live, how did you know we were coming, and why the hell are you in hell?" Alannah asked.
"I felt you coming. When your bus thingy got here they announced where they were from. I've read about your domain in the paper. And, I'm in hell because that is where everyone thinks I belong."
"Who thinks that? Not me. I've always known you as the most sensitive and caring person I know. Why do you think you belong in hell?"
"Then everyone minus one. Big whoop-ti do. You try being caring and sensitive in a world of fearful hateful people and see how far that gets you. You get used and stomped on and damned to hell. I promise. I know."
"Elina, there is no body here except you. You are creating this hell. According to Maureen you are a highly evolved being. You can manifest a paradise. Why manifest hell?"
"I'm by myself now, yes I am. But that was not always the case. There were more here, many many more. They are gone now, graduated you know."
"Graduated? How do you graduate from hell?"
"Just like you graduate from anything else. You learn all your lessons, you take a test, and if you pass, you move on, graduate. You know? It's not that complicated."
"So you turned your hell into a school?"
"Isn't that what hell is supposed to be? Damn, did I screw this up too? Are you here to judge me and tell me how I screwed everything up?"
"No. No. I think that hell being a place you can graduate from is a wonderful thing. It's just exactly what my caring and loving sister would do. So why are you still here? Why don't you graduate too?"
"I can't graduate because I can't pass the first test."
"And what test is that?"
"Uh ... the one where you accept the guilt, take responsibility for your sins. I've never accepted that I am guilty of anything. I have not sinned, not in anyway that I would define sin. So since I have no sins to be guilty of, I can't accept the guilt, and I can't pass the test."
"Bull shit, Elina! You're making all this up! Make up something nicer for yourself."
"Oh, I've gotten used to this. I like it this way. I've got my books and magazines and stuff so I can keep up with the goings on around the domains. All pretty stupid stuff if you ask me, but it keeps me entertained."
"Tell me how you got here, Elina. Why did you decide to create hell?"
"Wasn't really my choice. Most of my life I was told that I would burn in hell. Usually that was right after some bitch noticed her husband was ten times better in bed after he came to see me. Several times I was told I was Satin himself in the form of a woman. My own kids told me how evil I was and how I ruined their lives. When I passed from the Earth I thought all that was forgotten. Everyone was crying and telling me how much the loved me, so when I got to this side I high tailed it to the pearly gates expecting to walk right in. That is when I had this life review thing and all them bitches and their bastard husbands were going on and on about how I ruined their marriages and tore apart their families and how I should not be allowed in their precious heaven. So I made this place instead."
"Pearly gates? I've heard about that but I've never been to a domain like that. So it really exists?" Alannah asks.
"She was a traditionalist." Maureen interjected. "You got religious, didn't you Elina, in your later years?"
"Yeah, I guess you could say that. I started going to church, mainly for the kids and the grand kids. I heard all about the after life and heaven and the pearly gates and that whole shebang. I'm glad they wouldn't let me in there though. No way I would be happy there. I'm happy here. I have found my peace."
"Where do you get all these books and stuff?" Alannah asked.
"As soon as they are printed in your domains, they manifest here. That is how I keep up on stuff. I've thought about adding video too, but I have plenty of time here, so I just read."
"Where do you live, sleep, eat. All I see is this chair and this table out here in the middle of nowhere."
"I don't eat or sleep or anything else. I just sit here and read. That is all I need. So I don't need anything else. I already have all I need."
"Yeah? Elina! I'm your sister. Remember? I know you. This is bull shit. You deserve better. I'm getting you out of here. Somehow, we're going to get you out of here and you are going to come live with me."
"There is a lot you don't know Alannah. I don't think you would want me in your domain. I might mess it all up for you, just like I did my Earth life. So you are best off just leaving me where I am. I'm happy. Go home and be happy too. Anyway, I can't leave. I can't pass the test."
"Then confess a stupid sin, take responsibility for it, and lets get the hell out of hell. OK?"
"I haven't sinned."
"Yes you have. You stole my makeup, and then you broke it. Remember?"
"That wasn't a sin. You guys deserved it."
"What? How did we deserve it."
"We were only fourteen months apart, and I was more social than you already. There was no reason that we could not get makeup at the same time. Mom deliberately favored you over me and then rubbed it in my face, telling me that I could have gotten makeup too if I wasn't so bad all the time. I wasn't bad at all. I bent over backwards trying to please that woman, but there was just no way to win with her. I was always the scapegoat for whatever she was feeling bad about. She punished me just for existing. Anything that went wrong in the family or if she was just having a bad day she would find a way to make it all my fault. When I got fed up with her bull shit and wouldn't take it any more then she would get even madder at me and even make up stuff to tell dad that I didn't even do. She even told lies about me to you so you would hate me too. So yeah, I broke your stupid makeup. But it wasn't about you, and it was a lot better than the alternatives that were going through my head. That wasn't a sin Alannah. That was justice, the only justice I could find."
"I didn't realize that you hated her so much." Alannah said.
"I didn't hate her. I loved her to death and tried my best so show it every way I could. I cried myself to sleep trying to figure out ways to get into her heart. But there was something wrong with her, some fear deep inside that she pushed out on to me, and I could never figure out what that was."
"Forget Mom then. What about Louis, that boy that I liked. I confided in you my deepest most precious secret, and you used it against me. You picked him out of the crowd of boys, any one of which you could have had, and I found you guys in the woods doing ... doing ... doing whatever the hell it was that you were doing out there. That was a sin. Take responsibility for that one."
"I can't. It wasn't a sin. I was trying to do you a favor. I talked to Louis in town and I told him that you were sweet on him so that you guys could hook up. He said that there were some things that we should talk about so he suggested we go into the woods so nobody would hear. Then he tells me about all the girls he has been with and how he thinks I'm so beautiful and he would rather have me than you. He starts grabbing me and kissing me and I figure since I'm out there in the woods I better go along or he might beat me or kill me or something. Louis was a bad bad seed Alannah and I saved you from him. I couldn't tell you what really happened because I knew you would have told Dad, and then Dad would have killed him. I had to just keep it inside and be quiet so everyone would be safe. So I can't confess that as a sin because it wasn't."
"I didn't know. I'm so sorry Elina. Why didn't you tell me when we got older?"
"Because you didn't get older, remember? You died. You got married in 1875 and moved to San Francisco in1877. I moved to Denver in 1878 with my husband. Those were busy times and we all planned to visit from time to time after we all got settled and made a few babies. Then Mom and Dad disappeared. The letters stopped coming and ours were returned as undeliverable. We wrote to neighbors who told us that Mom had died suddenly and that Dad had pulled up stakes and moved north without leaving any forwarding address. Brionna was the rich one, her husband went into banking and they were well off. So in 1881 she went back home to look for Dad but there was no trace of him. In 1882 you died. So I never got the chance to sit down and talk with you as an adult. So a lot of things never got said."
"Until now. Wow. That really explains a lot. I had forgotten almost everything about those times. Now I know why I have a problem with Dad. I remember now. We were not even sure if Mom died of natural causes or if he killed her and then left town. Brionna said that Dad had put her body on a funeral pyre along with all her belongings. He even burned all our letters and everything. Anything that reminded him of her he burned with her. Then he just took off. He disappeared without a trace. He never met his grand kids or anything. After we leave here I think we should go talk to Dad and find out what really happened back then. If I have learned anything today it's that there is usually a different side to the story."
"That would be nice, except I can't leave."
"Oh yeah. You still need to take responsibility for your sins. What about those men you were with, who were married. You were married too were you not? Are you going to say that was not a sin?"
"I did what I had to do. We moved to Denver a couple of years after it became the State capitol, and that city was growing fast. My husband, who only knew logging and milling, tried to make it in the mines but never made enough to support us. So he got a job in the warehouse, and then in some of the stores. Then he got involved in a movement to unionize the workers and that caused a lot of problems. Then he got sick and couldn't work much at all. We were barely making it and then suddenly we were not making it at all, so I had to get a job working tables in a saloon. I had two babies by that time and they had to be fed, so I did what I had to do. I was lucky, in a way, that the babies took no toll on my body. After I had the kids my body snapped back to what it was when I was sixteen. I was proud of my beauty, but it was also my curse. In order to keep my job I had to do things with the bosses, and then their friends. I got passed around like their little toy. Soon I was being sold to their best customers for money and all I got for it was my wages and maybe a little tip. After a while I couldn't take it any more and I quit and went looking for some other kind of work, but there was none to be found that I could do. The men still came looking for me, offering me money, lots of money. So like it or not, that was the business I was in. I had two babies and a sick husband to feed, so I did what I had to do. I was good at it too. I could show those men what it was like to be a real man by showing them what it was like to be with a real woman. Pretty soon I had more business than I could service so I started hiring other girls to work with me. Before too long I was contracting with the bars and saloons to provide girls for their clients. I trained those girls good. They could make a man think he was a god. I showed them how to do that. It wasn't long though, before the city started turning against me, mainly the women. The men talked a good story about how evil we were, but they couldn't say too much because most of them had already used our services, or were hoping to very soon. Those women owed us a debt of gratitude. They had taken perfectly good men and ruined them with their childish ways and we took those same men and showed them how to do a woman proper. Those bitches were swooning with the quivers like they had never felt before after we got their men trained in the ways of pleasing a woman. I did what I had to do, and I did it well. I kept my family fed and my husband alive the best and the only way I knew how. That ain't no sin Alannah. That is just doing the best you can do with the talents God gives you. So I can't confess that as a sin, because it isn't."
"I'm so sorry Elina." Alannah said, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I had no idea that you had to endure those horrible things in your life. I knew you and Mom never got along, but I didn't know it was that bad. And this other stuff, the things you had to do to survive, I can't even imagine. I'm proud of you though, that you got through it, and as you always seem to be able to do, take a horrible situation and make it into something special. But ... that was on a planet that died long long ago. There hasn't been a single human incarnation there in over twelve thousand years. Don't you think it's time to stop being a victim of a dead civilization? We may be able to re-populate soon, on Earth, or maybe some other place. I'm sure you have read about that in you newspapers. Don't you think your time would be better spent preparing for that new life instead of re-living your sins of a past life? This whole buy your way out of hell by taking responsibility for some stupid made up sin is crazy, it's fucking stupid. You made up these rules. It isn't Gods law. So change the rules. Just forgive youself, since you are the only one condemning yourself. Come home with me. Let's create a future instead of wasting our existence stuck in a past that can never again exist."
"Elina, if I may, I think I can help you and Alannah to a solution." Maureen interjected.
"Go for it, therapist lady. Lets see what you can do." Elina responded.
"Thank you. I have listened very carefully to your dialog and it takes me back to many past experiences where I too was very religious and very concerned about sin. I tried my best to avoid it, and always failed. I finally made peace with sin in my life by discovering what it is, by defining it in terms that made sense but were still consistent within the religious framework in which I was operating. Although I no longer see God or sin in this way, I can still remember how I used to conceptualize it and use that knowledge here today. So, if I may, let me try a few of my definitions and see how they will fit in this situation. I define sin as the deliberate violation of Gods law. I define repentance as the turning away from the deliberate violation and then making the deliberate choice to obey Gods law. Are those definitions acceptable to you?"
"That sounds about right." Elina replied.
"Then lets move it a step further. Let us sum up Gods law in two words, Love and Truth. Gods law is the law of Love. Gods law is the law of Truth. How does that sound?"
"Agreed. I can go with that."
"Given these definitions then, we can say that sin is the deliberate choosing of hatred instead of Love. Sin is the deliberate choosing of falsehood instead of Truth. Lets simplify it even further and say that Love and Truth represent Light, and their alternatives represent darkness. Sin therefore is choosing darkness over the Light. Can you go with that?"
"Yes ma'am. So where are you going with this? Make your point."
"This is my point, Elina. In the history you have revealed today you claim that you have not sinned. Given our definitions, I would agree, because in every case you chose the Light over the darkness, even when it was hard to tell the difference. There is, however, one sin that you can confess, and you are committing this sin right now as we speak. By creating this place, and being here, in this place of punishment, when you know better than anyone that you have done nothing deserving of punishment, is choosing the darkness over the Light. That is your sin. To repent of this sin you must choose the Light over the darkness, and that will necessarily require you to leave this place. You may return with us and allow this domain to dissipate, or you may change your domain to something other than this pathetic little hell."
Elina smiled broadly and held up her hands. "Help me up girls, I haven't been out of this chair for many a year."
Alannah jumped up clapping her hands together in joy. "Elina! You passed your test?"
Elina smiled even broader and said "No, Sweetie. You passed your test. Now lets get the hell out of hell. I think we have some serious shopping to do. But first I need you help with something. Keep holding my hands, please, and both of you concentrate on the image of me that you remember, the one that you sketched. I have forgotten the physical form of my youth, but you remember it. Close you eyes and concentrate. Keep them closed and I will tell you when to open them."
The girls stood with their eyes closed for several minutes. Alannah felt a sudden breeze, a cool breeze, and then the sounds of people, and hover cars whooshing overhead. She couldn't resist the urge to open her eyes, and there she is, standing before her, an amazingly beautiful young woman apparently in her mid twenties. They were standing in a park, in a city, across the street from an all night diner that Alannah knows all to well.
"Welcome home, Sister." Alannah said, tears of joy flowing freely. "There's a shop right across the street. Let's get you out of that grandma dress. Then ... its Party Time!!"
The Sins of Elina
By Gary Brandt
By Gary Brandt
Copyright 2008
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this story may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Over The Edge Press, 809 W Riordan Rd Ste 100 #405, Flagstaff, AZ 86001
e-mail otep@overtheedgepress.com
www.overtheedgepress.com
Alannah stands quietly at the bus stop. It has only been a few days since Alannah stood here, stuck in her temporal dead zone, without a past, and a future that will be only a re-run of yesterday. Now the dull doe eyed non-seeing eyes of yesterday are bright with excitement, delightfully scanning a landscape that is full of potential adventure. Today Alannah will return to the little clinic past the edge of the city for a follow up review regarding her reconstitution therapy. That was such a fearful day, but now, Alannah is excited to return.
The bus ascended to its cruising altitude, about 100 feet above the pedestrian pathway, and began to accelerate to cruising velocity. As the cityscape scrolls by outside the window Alannah can't help but ponder the changes. When she first arrived in Crystal City it was just a short street of wooden buildings on one side of a dirt road. Now it is a major metropolis bustling with residents and visitors busily moving from place to place doing whatever it is that they do. There are still many, who like her, are stuck in their forgetfulness, zombie like, re-living the same day over and over again. Alannah muses that she may start a crusade to find and release these dead souls from their temporal prison. Today though, her thoughts are on Elina, her sister, whom she misses desperately. At last the bus stops at the end of the line and Alannah departs, skipping down the cobblestone path to the small gated cottage.
Alannah checks her appointment slip to make sure this is the right place and the right time. It is. "Welcome, my sister." Maureen says as she gives her standard greeting to her patient. "I'm glad to see that your therapy has progressed so remarkably well. You don't need to say a thing, I can see the sparkle in your eyes. How can I help you today? Do you want to find more people from your past? Do you want more sketches of their faces so you can remember them?"
"No thank you, Maureen." Alannah replies. "I have more than enough sketches. I need more than just a picture. I need to actually touch them, feel them, hug them, kiss them, cuddle them, caress them, and know them. During my therapy session you said that you may possibly get an address for my sister Elina. Of all those from my past I miss her the most. You said that she was like me, alone, without any other family. That is what I want to work on today, finding Elina"
"My my my, Alannah. I think you are my most advanced patient. It usually takes months or years to reach the point of looking for lost loved ones. I must caution you. You may not find what you think you will find. So you must be prepared for disappointment and failure. Are you ready for that? It could be very sad."
A little fear crept into Alannah's soul as she asked "What kind of failure. You mean that I may not be able to find her?"
"It's a little more complicated that that." Maureen replied. "Yes, it could be that we may not be able to find her, or maybe we locate the domain but it is closed and we cannot enter it, or we do get in but then still cannot find her within it. Finding someone, though, may be the easy part. After you find them, they may not know you, or maybe they do know you but don't want to have anything to do with you. In some of the worst cases that I have seen, we find them and they do want to know you and they come home with you and then thoroughly mess up and complicate your life in ways you could never have predicted. So there is risk, great risk, of big disappointment. Do you still want to proceed?"
"Yes, most definitely." Alannah said with an excited smile. "My life has been so boring for so long that any complications will be a welcome change. Elina was always very complicated and hard to understand, so I'm used to that anyway. Lets just do it!"
"Very well then. We will do it!" Maureen said, adopting Alannah's excitement. "First I will make a small sketch to focus my mind and direct our intention to locate Elina." Maureen grabs a small pad of paper and sketches the image of a face and passes it to Alannah for approval.
"Yes. That is the Elina that I remember." Alannah says, acknowledging that accuracy of the sketch.
Maureen begins a second sketch and also hands it to Alannah. "I'm confused." Alannah responds. "This is a sketch of an elderly woman. Who is this?"
"Ah." Maureen responds. "I told you that you may not find what you are looking for. You left Earth when you were 27 years old, and now you appear to be no older than maybe 30 or so. Elina left Earth when she was 75, and I feel that she has retained that form. So your idea of gallivanting around Capitol City having fun and exciting adventures with your little sister, has now been dashed. Your little sister is an elderly woman so you may have little in common. Do you want to proceed?"
"Ugh! I didn't think about that. But you don't know Elina. Cruising the bars and buying clothes will probably be just as fun with her at 75 as it is with someone else who is 25. So lets continue."
"So I see, as you have just revealed, that you intend to bring her here and engage in activities that require a lot of money. Do you have the financial ability to do that?" Maureen asked with a look of concern.
"Ha! I just recently discovered this myself, but I'm actually quite wealthy. For more years than I can begin to remember all I have done is work and sleep. I paid my bills and the few credits I had left were put in the bank. With interest I now have a large number of credits, more than enough to support Elina and the rest of my family if I can find them."
"Very good." Maureen says with a big smile. "Maybe when you get back we can talk about a construction loan to expand my clinic." They both laughed.
After a short meditation Maureen scribbles some notes in her notebook. "This is what I can see, Alannah. As I said last time, Elina is still Elina, she has retained her form as she was when she left Earth. Here is where it gets a little strange. You Elina is a very special soul. As you know, we are all creatures of consciousness who have assumed physical form, become form, on Earth, most recently in the form of Humanity. As consciousness we are infinite in extent, an aspect of the All that Is. We are not, however, aware of that infinity, and our awareness is actually a self contained little perceptual bubble within consciousness, and that is what we call the 'I', the individual that you perceive yourself to be.
"When we are at the level 3 experience of being human on Earth we are inside a much larger bubble which contains that entire universe, and many others that are dimensionally out of phase with the Earth that we know. Here, though, where the dimensional densities are much lighter, our bubbles of awareness are much smaller, there being many of them instead of one, and within which we can manifest all sorts of different realities, as opposed to the single reality that we are stuck with on Earth. All this has become common knowledge since the great awakening.
"What we still have little understanding of, however, is the role of the domain managers, those within whos perceptual bubble, their domain of awareness, many other souls manifest their human form, and other life forms as well. That is for the most part still a mystery. We do know that those who are host for a domain, such as this one that we know as Crystal City, are typically highly evolved beings with a long history of past lives on Earth and many other realities as well."
"Ok. I'm still new at this stuff, but I think I have a basic understanding of all that. My boss at the diner explained most of that. So what does that have to do with Elina? What sort of domain did she manifest into?" Alannah wanted to know.
"Well, that is the weird part. As I said before, Elina is alone, but not the same way as you. You are alone, without any family, in a domain of millions of souls. Elina is alone in a domain of one. That means that she is also the domain manager, the host, for that domain. That would indicate that she is a highly evolved being. These beings normally attract many like minded individuals to share their domain with them. She is alone. That is strange."
"Believe me. Elina has always been a bit strange." Alannah said with a laugh. "So I'm not surprised that she is still a misfit, even in this existence. "Go on. I feel you have more to say about Elina's strange behavior."
"Yes, I do. I sense that this domain is a dark one, Hades class, her own personal hell. Elina seems to have all the characteristics of an enlightened being. Such beings don't create their own personal hell. They know better. This is indeed very strange. Because this situation is so strange I'm not sure you will be safe visiting her. If, for example, she has gone mad, and she is the host of her own domain, then there is some danger that if you enter that domain you may have a difficult time getting home again. Are you sure you want to risk that?"
"Hmmmm. This is a bit scary. It is also something that I must do. If Elina is in trouble then I need to go see what is going on. She may need help. Maybe I should take along a more experienced traveler. You busy?" Alannah asked with a smile.
Maureen grinned broadly and answered. "I was just thinking to myself how I could invite myself along. This looks like an interesting project. Let me prepare my things and we will start our adventure."
Alannah and Maureen headed back into town to catch a transport to Elina's domain. Maureen is not too sure of the coordinates and they will have to install a trans-dimensional conduit to gain entry, unless the domain is blocked. If it is blocked they may not be able to enter.
"So, Maureen. When we go to Elina's domain we are basically going inside her head. Is that correct?" Alannah asked.
"I suppose you can look at it that way. A domain is actually part of an infinite expanse that has coalesced into a region of awareness where a local space-time continuum can manifest, and then we can manifest within that. We don't really know how it works. It is something that happens from the infinite field automatically. It is like digesting food. It just happens because that is the way it works and we don't have to think about it. So to say that it is here or there, in her head or not, is not really relevant. It just is."
"Do you think she knows we are coming?"
"She may but I doubt it. She will certainly know when we arrive."
The girls left the bus station and headed over to the transport station. Maureen has reserved a transport and Alannah paid the fare. "Oh wow. I just realized that this is the very first time I have ever left Crystal City. I'm a little bit scared." Alannah confessed.
The transport accelerated with a whoosh towards the edge of Crystal City and then came to a stop. The pilot and copilot were busy adjusting some equipment and the copilot said "We are calibrating the TDC ma'am. This will just take a minute. The domain coordinates that you provided are difficult to get a lock on so bear with us."
"What do you think we are going to find in there?" Alannah asked.
"There is no telling Alannah. These domains can be whatever they want to be. The Hades class are usually not very nice. They are created as a place of torment, so that souls who thing they must be punished and suffer can live out that chosen destiny. This could turn out to not be fun at all." Maureen explained.
"Ma'am. We were having a problem finding a place to enter the domain because it was too hot. A cool spot has formed, though, but we are not going to be able to enter the domain. What we can do, though, is activate the TDC and then dock along side. You will have to walk. Are you sure you want to enter there? We may not be able to get you out again." The pilot said with a look of great concern.
"We will be just fine." Alannah responded. "I don't know how I know that, but I just do. And she knows we are here too. That is why that cool spot appeared just now when it did. We will be fine."
The hover craft approached a swirling vortex at the boundary of the Crystal City domain and opened the side door. On the other side was a rock pathway flowing with cool water. Beyond that a deep red glow illuminated the entire domain.
"Are you ready?" Alannah asked Maureen, looking for a little emotional support.
"I'm as ready as I'm going to get. Lets do it!"
The girls carefully stepped out of the craft and onto the rock pathway. As the began to walk down the path the TDC vortex, and the craft on the other side, vanished. They were alone on a barren landscape, somewhat reminiscent of a fresh lava flow. Fire and hot rocks were in every direction, except for the one cool spot where they stood. As they moved down the pathway, cool water would emerge from the ground cooling the pathway so they could continue.
"See. I told you she was here. How else could this be happening. We would have burned up by now." Alannah said.
"It could be all automatic, but I sort of agree with you. I think she has welcomed us into her domain. Let's see where the path leads." Maureen said as she motioned for Alannah to follow her down the path.
For more than an hour the girls followed the path as it wound through barren burning desert and into a dense forest of irregular shaped boulders. Finally a clearing appeared. In the middle of the clearing was a table and a chair and a small elderly woman surrounded by a mountain of books and papers and magazines. She was hunched over reading a newspaper. As she would finish a page she would toss it into a nearby pool of lava where it would instantly burn up. The girls carefully approached her until they were standing right in front of her. Elina did not look up. She just said "OK Alannah. You're here. What do you want?"
"I want to tell you how much I love you, how much I miss you, and I want to catch up on all our missing years. Put that paper down and look at me. I want to see your face." Alannah said.
"Still bossy after all these years, huh?" Elina said looking up at Alannah. "Have a seat girls." Two chairs had materialized and Alannah and Maureen sat down. "So who is your friend Alannah? Is she one of your lovers in that lesbo domain you live in?"
"Her name is Maureen, and she is not my lover. In fact I have no lovers and our domain is not 'lesbo'. It is just all women but that doesn't mean we are sexual with women just because we live there." Alannah explained.
"Yeah? Whatever suits you then. I love you too. I miss you too. Our history is simple. We are both dead. Now why don't you girls go back home to your girly world and have a nice life."
"I'm not dead, and neither are you. We have a lot of catching up to do Elina, and just because you are manifested here as a wrinkled up old lady, I'm still your big sister, and I'm going to stay here until I get some answers." Alannah said, looking at her sister with an intensity that was not going to take no for answer.
"So the only way to get rid of you is answer your stupid questions? Go ahead then, ask. You may not like the answers though, so be careful what you ask."
"OK. To start off, how did you know where I live, how did you know we were coming, and why the hell are you in hell?" Alannah asked.
"I felt you coming. When your bus thingy got here they announced where they were from. I've read about your domain in the paper. And, I'm in hell because that is where everyone thinks I belong."
"Who thinks that? Not me. I've always known you as the most sensitive and caring person I know. Why do you think you belong in hell?"
"Then everyone minus one. Big whoop-ti do. You try being caring and sensitive in a world of fearful hateful people and see how far that gets you. You get used and stomped on and damned to hell. I promise. I know."
"Elina, there is no body here except you. You are creating this hell. According to Maureen you are a highly evolved being. You can manifest a paradise. Why manifest hell?"
"I'm by myself now, yes I am. But that was not always the case. There were more here, many many more. They are gone now, graduated you know."
"Graduated? How do you graduate from hell?"
"Just like you graduate from anything else. You learn all your lessons, you take a test, and if you pass, you move on, graduate. You know? It's not that complicated."
"So you turned your hell into a school?"
"Isn't that what hell is supposed to be? Damn, did I screw this up too? Are you here to judge me and tell me how I screwed everything up?"
"No. No. I think that hell being a place you can graduate from is a wonderful thing. It's just exactly what my caring and loving sister would do. So why are you still here? Why don't you graduate too?"
"I can't graduate because I can't pass the first test."
"And what test is that?"
"Uh ... the one where you accept the guilt, take responsibility for your sins. I've never accepted that I am guilty of anything. I have not sinned, not in anyway that I would define sin. So since I have no sins to be guilty of, I can't accept the guilt, and I can't pass the test."
"Bull shit, Elina! You're making all this up! Make up something nicer for yourself."
"Oh, I've gotten used to this. I like it this way. I've got my books and magazines and stuff so I can keep up with the goings on around the domains. All pretty stupid stuff if you ask me, but it keeps me entertained."
"Tell me how you got here, Elina. Why did you decide to create hell?"
"Wasn't really my choice. Most of my life I was told that I would burn in hell. Usually that was right after some bitch noticed her husband was ten times better in bed after he came to see me. Several times I was told I was Satin himself in the form of a woman. My own kids told me how evil I was and how I ruined their lives. When I passed from the Earth I thought all that was forgotten. Everyone was crying and telling me how much the loved me, so when I got to this side I high tailed it to the pearly gates expecting to walk right in. That is when I had this life review thing and all them bitches and their bastard husbands were going on and on about how I ruined their marriages and tore apart their families and how I should not be allowed in their precious heaven. So I made this place instead."
"Pearly gates? I've heard about that but I've never been to a domain like that. So it really exists?" Alannah asks.
"She was a traditionalist." Maureen interjected. "You got religious, didn't you Elina, in your later years?"
"Yeah, I guess you could say that. I started going to church, mainly for the kids and the grand kids. I heard all about the after life and heaven and the pearly gates and that whole shebang. I'm glad they wouldn't let me in there though. No way I would be happy there. I'm happy here. I have found my peace."
"Where do you get all these books and stuff?" Alannah asked.
"As soon as they are printed in your domains, they manifest here. That is how I keep up on stuff. I've thought about adding video too, but I have plenty of time here, so I just read."
"Where do you live, sleep, eat. All I see is this chair and this table out here in the middle of nowhere."
"I don't eat or sleep or anything else. I just sit here and read. That is all I need. So I don't need anything else. I already have all I need."
"Yeah? Elina! I'm your sister. Remember? I know you. This is bull shit. You deserve better. I'm getting you out of here. Somehow, we're going to get you out of here and you are going to come live with me."
"There is a lot you don't know Alannah. I don't think you would want me in your domain. I might mess it all up for you, just like I did my Earth life. So you are best off just leaving me where I am. I'm happy. Go home and be happy too. Anyway, I can't leave. I can't pass the test."
"Then confess a stupid sin, take responsibility for it, and lets get the hell out of hell. OK?"
"I haven't sinned."
"Yes you have. You stole my makeup, and then you broke it. Remember?"
"That wasn't a sin. You guys deserved it."
"What? How did we deserve it."
"We were only fourteen months apart, and I was more social than you already. There was no reason that we could not get makeup at the same time. Mom deliberately favored you over me and then rubbed it in my face, telling me that I could have gotten makeup too if I wasn't so bad all the time. I wasn't bad at all. I bent over backwards trying to please that woman, but there was just no way to win with her. I was always the scapegoat for whatever she was feeling bad about. She punished me just for existing. Anything that went wrong in the family or if she was just having a bad day she would find a way to make it all my fault. When I got fed up with her bull shit and wouldn't take it any more then she would get even madder at me and even make up stuff to tell dad that I didn't even do. She even told lies about me to you so you would hate me too. So yeah, I broke your stupid makeup. But it wasn't about you, and it was a lot better than the alternatives that were going through my head. That wasn't a sin Alannah. That was justice, the only justice I could find."
"I didn't realize that you hated her so much." Alannah said.
"I didn't hate her. I loved her to death and tried my best so show it every way I could. I cried myself to sleep trying to figure out ways to get into her heart. But there was something wrong with her, some fear deep inside that she pushed out on to me, and I could never figure out what that was."
"Forget Mom then. What about Louis, that boy that I liked. I confided in you my deepest most precious secret, and you used it against me. You picked him out of the crowd of boys, any one of which you could have had, and I found you guys in the woods doing ... doing ... doing whatever the hell it was that you were doing out there. That was a sin. Take responsibility for that one."
"I can't. It wasn't a sin. I was trying to do you a favor. I talked to Louis in town and I told him that you were sweet on him so that you guys could hook up. He said that there were some things that we should talk about so he suggested we go into the woods so nobody would hear. Then he tells me about all the girls he has been with and how he thinks I'm so beautiful and he would rather have me than you. He starts grabbing me and kissing me and I figure since I'm out there in the woods I better go along or he might beat me or kill me or something. Louis was a bad bad seed Alannah and I saved you from him. I couldn't tell you what really happened because I knew you would have told Dad, and then Dad would have killed him. I had to just keep it inside and be quiet so everyone would be safe. So I can't confess that as a sin because it wasn't."
"I didn't know. I'm so sorry Elina. Why didn't you tell me when we got older?"
"Because you didn't get older, remember? You died. You got married in 1875 and moved to San Francisco in1877. I moved to Denver in 1878 with my husband. Those were busy times and we all planned to visit from time to time after we all got settled and made a few babies. Then Mom and Dad disappeared. The letters stopped coming and ours were returned as undeliverable. We wrote to neighbors who told us that Mom had died suddenly and that Dad had pulled up stakes and moved north without leaving any forwarding address. Brionna was the rich one, her husband went into banking and they were well off. So in 1881 she went back home to look for Dad but there was no trace of him. In 1882 you died. So I never got the chance to sit down and talk with you as an adult. So a lot of things never got said."
"Until now. Wow. That really explains a lot. I had forgotten almost everything about those times. Now I know why I have a problem with Dad. I remember now. We were not even sure if Mom died of natural causes or if he killed her and then left town. Brionna said that Dad had put her body on a funeral pyre along with all her belongings. He even burned all our letters and everything. Anything that reminded him of her he burned with her. Then he just took off. He disappeared without a trace. He never met his grand kids or anything. After we leave here I think we should go talk to Dad and find out what really happened back then. If I have learned anything today it's that there is usually a different side to the story."
"That would be nice, except I can't leave."
"Oh yeah. You still need to take responsibility for your sins. What about those men you were with, who were married. You were married too were you not? Are you going to say that was not a sin?"
"I did what I had to do. We moved to Denver a couple of years after it became the State capitol, and that city was growing fast. My husband, who only knew logging and milling, tried to make it in the mines but never made enough to support us. So he got a job in the warehouse, and then in some of the stores. Then he got involved in a movement to unionize the workers and that caused a lot of problems. Then he got sick and couldn't work much at all. We were barely making it and then suddenly we were not making it at all, so I had to get a job working tables in a saloon. I had two babies by that time and they had to be fed, so I did what I had to do. I was lucky, in a way, that the babies took no toll on my body. After I had the kids my body snapped back to what it was when I was sixteen. I was proud of my beauty, but it was also my curse. In order to keep my job I had to do things with the bosses, and then their friends. I got passed around like their little toy. Soon I was being sold to their best customers for money and all I got for it was my wages and maybe a little tip. After a while I couldn't take it any more and I quit and went looking for some other kind of work, but there was none to be found that I could do. The men still came looking for me, offering me money, lots of money. So like it or not, that was the business I was in. I had two babies and a sick husband to feed, so I did what I had to do. I was good at it too. I could show those men what it was like to be a real man by showing them what it was like to be with a real woman. Pretty soon I had more business than I could service so I started hiring other girls to work with me. Before too long I was contracting with the bars and saloons to provide girls for their clients. I trained those girls good. They could make a man think he was a god. I showed them how to do that. It wasn't long though, before the city started turning against me, mainly the women. The men talked a good story about how evil we were, but they couldn't say too much because most of them had already used our services, or were hoping to very soon. Those women owed us a debt of gratitude. They had taken perfectly good men and ruined them with their childish ways and we took those same men and showed them how to do a woman proper. Those bitches were swooning with the quivers like they had never felt before after we got their men trained in the ways of pleasing a woman. I did what I had to do, and I did it well. I kept my family fed and my husband alive the best and the only way I knew how. That ain't no sin Alannah. That is just doing the best you can do with the talents God gives you. So I can't confess that as a sin, because it isn't."
"I'm so sorry Elina." Alannah said, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I had no idea that you had to endure those horrible things in your life. I knew you and Mom never got along, but I didn't know it was that bad. And this other stuff, the things you had to do to survive, I can't even imagine. I'm proud of you though, that you got through it, and as you always seem to be able to do, take a horrible situation and make it into something special. But ... that was on a planet that died long long ago. There hasn't been a single human incarnation there in over twelve thousand years. Don't you think it's time to stop being a victim of a dead civilization? We may be able to re-populate soon, on Earth, or maybe some other place. I'm sure you have read about that in you newspapers. Don't you think your time would be better spent preparing for that new life instead of re-living your sins of a past life? This whole buy your way out of hell by taking responsibility for some stupid made up sin is crazy, it's fucking stupid. You made up these rules. It isn't Gods law. So change the rules. Just forgive youself, since you are the only one condemning yourself. Come home with me. Let's create a future instead of wasting our existence stuck in a past that can never again exist."
"Elina, if I may, I think I can help you and Alannah to a solution." Maureen interjected.
"Go for it, therapist lady. Lets see what you can do." Elina responded.
"Thank you. I have listened very carefully to your dialog and it takes me back to many past experiences where I too was very religious and very concerned about sin. I tried my best to avoid it, and always failed. I finally made peace with sin in my life by discovering what it is, by defining it in terms that made sense but were still consistent within the religious framework in which I was operating. Although I no longer see God or sin in this way, I can still remember how I used to conceptualize it and use that knowledge here today. So, if I may, let me try a few of my definitions and see how they will fit in this situation. I define sin as the deliberate violation of Gods law. I define repentance as the turning away from the deliberate violation and then making the deliberate choice to obey Gods law. Are those definitions acceptable to you?"
"That sounds about right." Elina replied.
"Then lets move it a step further. Let us sum up Gods law in two words, Love and Truth. Gods law is the law of Love. Gods law is the law of Truth. How does that sound?"
"Agreed. I can go with that."
"Given these definitions then, we can say that sin is the deliberate choosing of hatred instead of Love. Sin is the deliberate choosing of falsehood instead of Truth. Lets simplify it even further and say that Love and Truth represent Light, and their alternatives represent darkness. Sin therefore is choosing darkness over the Light. Can you go with that?"
"Yes ma'am. So where are you going with this? Make your point."
"This is my point, Elina. In the history you have revealed today you claim that you have not sinned. Given our definitions, I would agree, because in every case you chose the Light over the darkness, even when it was hard to tell the difference. There is, however, one sin that you can confess, and you are committing this sin right now as we speak. By creating this place, and being here, in this place of punishment, when you know better than anyone that you have done nothing deserving of punishment, is choosing the darkness over the Light. That is your sin. To repent of this sin you must choose the Light over the darkness, and that will necessarily require you to leave this place. You may return with us and allow this domain to dissipate, or you may change your domain to something other than this pathetic little hell."
Elina smiled broadly and held up her hands. "Help me up girls, I haven't been out of this chair for many a year."
Alannah jumped up clapping her hands together in joy. "Elina! You passed your test?"
Elina smiled even broader and said "No, Sweetie. You passed your test. Now lets get the hell out of hell. I think we have some serious shopping to do. But first I need you help with something. Keep holding my hands, please, and both of you concentrate on the image of me that you remember, the one that you sketched. I have forgotten the physical form of my youth, but you remember it. Close you eyes and concentrate. Keep them closed and I will tell you when to open them."
The girls stood with their eyes closed for several minutes. Alannah felt a sudden breeze, a cool breeze, and then the sounds of people, and hover cars whooshing overhead. She couldn't resist the urge to open her eyes, and there she is, standing before her, an amazingly beautiful young woman apparently in her mid twenties. They were standing in a park, in a city, across the street from an all night diner that Alannah knows all to well.
"Welcome home, Sister." Alannah said, tears of joy flowing freely. "There's a shop right across the street. Let's get you out of that grandma dress. Then ... its Party Time!!"
The End (for now).
I'm pretending to be an author. I have written a couple of books and a number of short stories. Here is one of the short stores.
By Gary Brandt
Copyright 2008 by Gary Brandt.
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this story may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Over The Edge Press, 809 W Riordan Rd Ste 100 #405, Flagstaff, AZ 86001
e-mail otep@overtheedgepress.com
www.overtheedgepress.com
Alannah stands quietly at the bus stop.The bus has arrived but has not yet descended to the platform level so the travelers must wait for it to get into the loading position. The other travelers are impatient but Alannah is content to wait. She is secretly hoping that the bus will be late, even hoping that she will miss it. It has been almost fifteen years since the great awakening, but Alannah is stuck, caught in a no-womans land between the past and the future, unable to move in either direction. Sherina, Alannahs supervisor at the all night diner, arranged for Alannah to take some time off for reconstitution therapy. It is a popular therapy for those who get stuck in a temporal dead zone, as it is called. Alannah is excited at the prospect of discovering her past and is hopeful it will launch her into the future. Being stuck is like living the same day over and over and over again, coming from nowhere and going nowhere. Excited as Alannah is, she is also apprehensive. Getting unstuck is frightening. You never know what you are going to find. What if you find that you are someone that you will hate? Alannah wonders if maybe it would be better not to know.
Alannah has been content to live in the now, totally. It is hard for her to remember anything from yesterday and she has no concern about tomorrow at all. She does remember this mornings conversations though. It still makes her want to cry.
"You have to do this! It's no longer an option, Alannah. Your stuck and you need to get unstuck. Look outside Sweetie. What do you see?" Sherina asked Alannah who was giving her that doe eyed mindless look. "Go on, look outside and tell me what you see."
"OK. I see buildings and people. So what?" Alannah responded.
"Look closer. Are those the same buildings that were there when you started working here?"
"Maybe. I don't know. I never notice stuff like that." Alannah replied, already tearing up from the frustration of being asked questions she has no idea how to answer.
"You don't notice hardly anything, Alannah. I only see you get excited when the Princess is on the video. Other than that the only thing you do is get up in the morning and come to work, and then go home and go to sleep. That is all you have done for years and years and years. It's all you ever do. I give you the weekends off and you come to work anyway. If you don't get a shift you sit in a booth until it's time to go home. That isn't a life. You're young and beautiful and you need a life. That is why I want you to go to therapy. Reconstitution therapy works wonders. Things are changing, the world we know is changing rapidly and you need to change with it. You can't afford to be stuck between tick and tock anymore. I insist that you go to this therapy and if you don't I'm tying you up and dragging you down there myself. Is that under stood little lady? Now get your skinny little butt out to that bus stop and go! Here is your appointment slip. I love you Sweetie. This is for your own good."
"OK. I go." Alannah responded, now sobbing uncontrollably.
The bus ascended to its cruising altitude, about 100 feet above the pedestrian pathway, and began to accelerate to cruising velocity. Alannah will get off at the last stop past the edge of the city so she is not in a hurry to find a seat. A dozen other women have pushed past her to get a seat. Alannah moved out of their way and let them pass. For now she is satisfied to just stand and hold on to a passenger pole until the bus starts to clear out. The young woman piloting the bus calls out that the next stop will be at such and such a street corner in about 10 minutes. Alannah is unconcerned, her stop is at least another 40 minutes away. Stop after stop came and went and some women got off and other women got on. Soon the bus is almost empty, the only other passengers are a few school girls going to the academy at the edge of town. At last the bus stops at the end of the line and Alannah, now alone, departs.
Alannah walks down a cobblestone path to a small gated cottage. There is a small engraved brass sign at the gate which says 'Visual Reconstitution Clinic. By Appointment Only'. Alannah checks her appointment slip to make sure this is the right place and the right time. It is. She takes a deep breath and walks to the door, entering a small room. There is a couch and several chairs at one end and an artists easel at the other. An elderly woman enters the room and motions for her to have a seat. "Welcome, my sister. You must be Alannah. I am Maureen. I will be performing your reconstitution this morning. Relax. This works much easier when you are relaxed. Breath deep, take regular breaths, and let you body relax and your mind become open. There is nothing to fear. Have some herbal tea. It will help calm you."
"So how does this work?" Alannah wants to know. "What is visual reconstitution? Do you look into a crystal ball? I'm not at all sure what we are going to do today."
"It is really very simple." Maureen responded. "I am a seer. I can look within your consciousness and see images of people, places, and things recorded in there from your stream of past experiences. People work best since you have the richest relationships with people. I will draw them, a portrait of just their faces. I will draw the faces of people who were close to you, physically and emotionally close to you. As I draw and you see the face emerge it will focus your memory and allow it to reconstitute for you. You will explain to me as I draw who I am drawing, and your memory of that person, and your past history connecting you to that person will be reconstituted."
Maureen pulled a clean drawing sheet from a drawer and attached it to the easel. Using a sharp pencil she quickly began sketching eyes, nose, mouth, hairline until the image of a face appeared. After adding the detail with the pencil she took colored chalk and filled in the face and lips and eyes with color. "Let me know when you recognize the face and then you can start telling me the history the face brings to your memory."
"I don't know. That looks like me. You have drawn a picture of me. Or does that mean that I have a twin?"
"Ah. Good. The first test has been passed. I always start with a picture of the subject. If the image of you that I pull from your mind looks like the you that I see sitting here, then I know I am connected to the right consciousness, and that you have an accurate self image. There would not be much point in continuing if this test is not successful. If I am pulling from the wrong consciousness, then you will not recognize anyone since they are not from your history. If you have a faulty self image then any other image I pull from you is more likely made up than real and that would get us nowhere. You have passed this test as what I see on the paper is exactly what I see sitting on my couch. This will be a good session. This drawing is complete. You may have it if you like."
"Thank you so much." Alannah said with a smile. "I don't have any pictures of myself, much less a drawing. It's beautiful. What is that number you wrote after my name, 1875? What does that mean?"
"1875 is the date that came with this image. This is a picture of you in the Earth year called in that time 1875, in a place called California. That was a long time ago, about twelve thousand Earth years ago actually, and no place called California still exists. In you memory though, this place, this time, and this Alannah still exist, otherwise I could not have seen it within you."
"None of that means a thing to me." Alannah says with a confused look on here face. "You have drawn me as I am now, and now is all that I know. I don't know what 1875 means and I have never heard of California."
"Let us move on then and see what we can see. This next sketch will help you move your mind back to California and reconstitute the bits and pieces of that memory record. Then you can begin to connect the dots and make sense of it all." Again Maureen sketched a face, one that strongly resembles Alannah, but not quite the same. As she finished the sketch she labeled it 1855 but she left the spot for a name blank. "Take your time Honey, have some tea, let your memory flood back in. We are in no hurry. Give it some time and let it flow.
Alannah studies the sketch for quite some time, sipping tea, walking around and looking at it from different angles, looking up close, then from across the room. Sitting again, she tries to relax her mind and let it flow, but nothing is remembered. This picture, resemblance aside, is of a stranger. Logic would say that this young woman, who appears to be her age, is actually twenty years older. The date on the picture gives that away. So who is she?
Alannah stiffens up and her eyes grow wide as if she has seen a frightful ghost. "Mother!" Alannah suddenly blurts out, steading herself to keep from falling off the couch. A sudden wave of dizziness and nausea flows through her body. An emotional feeling as a heavy weight descends on her. A deep sadness envelops her. A choking grief constricts her throat as a painful lump develops leaving her unable to speak.
"Relax Sweetie." Maureen says, sitting next to Alannah on the couch, holding her and steadying her, also holding a pan in case Alannah needs to throw up. "This will be uncomfortable for a few minutes. It always is when the dam bursts and the memory flows. Lie down if you need. We are not in a hurry. Take your time."
A few minutes passes and Alannah says "No, I'm fine." Alannah sips some more tea and steadies herself on the couch. "It was just a shock to have that memory return so suddenly. I wasn't prepared for that. I do remember a little now. You can write 'Akasha' at the bottom of the picture. That was her name, at least I know that much. I do not recall much about her except that she died. I don't think I ever got over that. She was much to young to die and she died for no good reason. I guess that is why I forgot about her. The pain of her passing was just too great. Why can't I remember more than that?"
"You may take this sketch home with you as well. Put it on the wall next you yours. Day by day as you look at it you will remember more. There are more in you that I must draw, more that you must remember. Are you ready to continue?"
"Yes. Please continue. I'm kind of getting excited about who I'm going to meet next." Alannah said, sitting up straight now and not looking so sick.
For the third time Maureen busily sketches the details of a face, an extraordinarily beautiful young woman. It takes less time this time for recognition to occur. Before Maureen can finish adding the color Alannah knows who she is.
"Label that one 'Elina'. That's my little sister Elina. Oh my God, we used to fight all the time. I think I was jealous of her because she was the beautiful, sexy one, and she was jealous of me because I was the oldest and got to do everything first. When I got my first makeup she stole it. When Mom made her give it back she broke it so I couldn't use it. I told her about a boy I liked and then I catch her in the woods with him. She could have enticed any boy in town into the woods with her, she was so beautiful, but she picked the one she knew I liked. Fight as we did we were also very close. Mom was harsh with her. I think she was jealous of her too. So many times I would come to her defense and get Mom to leave her alone. What has become of my sister Elina? Is there any way I can find her? What about my Mom?"
Maureen paused for a minute, as if trying to pull in information from a long distance. "You Mother is no more, not in the sense that you remember her. Her essence still exists but as someone else and she does not remember ever being Akasha. Unless her memory is reconstituted some day, we will not be able to locate her. Elina is still Elina. She is a mother and a grandmother and a great grandmother but her offspring are not with her. They are in different domains. As you are she is also, alone. With some research I can get you her address. I cannot promise, however, that she will be ready to see you again. Reunions across domain boundaries are difficult. She may not remember you and have no idea why you think you know her.
As Maureen sketches for the fourth time and youthful face of a young teen aged girl appears. The eyes and nose and mouth are barely sketched before Alannah knows her.
"Brionna. That is my bratty little sister Brionna. She was the baby in the family and she got away with everything. She would do things Elina and I would have gotten beaten for and Mom just let it slide. She was the most irritating little thing in the world but I love her to death. Is she in another domain too? Can I find her?"
"Yes. I sense that Brionna is still Brionna. She also has a clan of offspring and most of them are with her. The same caution applies. We may find her but she may not know you. Study these sketches often and more and more will be revealed to you."
Maureen rolls up the Brionna sketch and presents it to Alannah who adds it to the rest of the drawing she is collecting. Once more she prepares the easel to draw.
"I have another sister? Wow! I must have had a big family." Alannah giggled.
Alannah stops laughing as the sketch takes shape.
"That is a funny looking woman. I don't remember her at all."
"That is because this is a man. This domain has only women so you haven't seen a man close up for thousands of years. So they do look a little funny."
"Stop! Stop drawing!" Alannah says with a shocked look. "I do know him and I have seen him recently. Look at any magazine or newspaper or turn on the video. You will recognize him too. Why is he in my memory? Who is this man to me?"
Maureen sketches a little more to get a clear image and then she too is shocked at who she had drawn. "Oh My! This is John of Penny Lake. He has been in the news a lot. John of Penny Lake is your father. You have a famous father Sweetie."
"A famous ass hole of a father. I don't know why, but for some reason, I despise that man. I even felt that when I saw him on video. Something about him just made me angry. I don't feel angry at the others, Princess Penelope or Princess Anahere, but something about him brings back some bad memories. You don't need to give me his picture or his address. I know he is in the Penny Lake domain. Everybody knows that. I don't plan to go there to meet him either."
Maureen smiles as she finishes the sketch anyway. "I think I've earned my wages today. This memory reconstitution has gone well, you have remembered much. I sense one more significant man in you stream of experience, a husband probably, but his time line is convoluted and I cannot get a clear picture. He seems to me a mixture of more than one, so I apologize for not drawing him for you. I think this sketch of your father may reveal the reason you were stuck. So take this sketch too. In time you may remember what has caused your resentment for your father and work to repair that relationship. It may also be the reason you came to a womens only domain. Many here have unresolved father issues. I recommend you work that out. You may find a more fruitful life in a different domain if you work out your issues with your father. "
"That won't be necessary. I'm perfectly content to live here with the rest of the girls, father issues or not. And no thank you. You can keep the John sketch. He is on a magazine cover everywhere I look anyway. One more question before I go. If my sisters are great grandmothers, where are my kids? Did I have kids on Earth?"
Maureen frowns and says "I sense that you were pregnant, but you did not survive child birth."
"You mean my baby was still born? Did I have a miscarriage?" Alannah asks.
"No sweetie. Your baby was born alive. You died in childbirth." Maureen replies.
"Died? What do you mean died? I'm alive so how could I be dead?" Alannah asks with a very confused look on her face.
"Oh Sweetie! I didn't realize you had forgotten so much. Of course you are alive because there is nothing else that you could be, but it is a matter of perspective. Let me try to explain. Earth is in a different dimensional framework than we are here. You see the Earths dimensional framework is invisible to us here and we are invisible there. It is called a level 3 framework and we are in a level 5 framework and the two cannot physically interact, they are dimensionally out of phase with each other. You were existing in physical form on Earth and when that form ceased to function you transferred your physical form here. From their perspective, however, the empty shell you left behind was dead. To them you were dead. When you came here you had assumed the same physical form here that you had there but you left most, if not all, of you memories behind. You didn't remember being Alannah on Earth so you did not know that you had died there. I'm sorry to dump this on you so suddenly. Like everything else you have learned today it will take some time but you will adjust to it and eventually understand."
Alannah rides the bus home as if she is in a trance. Everything looks different now. Looking out the window as the bus scoots along 100 feet above the pedestrian walkway below, everything looks wrong. There should be horses and carriages and wooden buildings, not buildings of glass and steel and hover cars floating around dodging each other in the sky. Recalling her identity and her life from the past has left her without a solid identity in her experience of today. She is a bit lost.
Sitting in a booth at the diner Sherina has brought her some pie and ice cream to cheer her up. Alannah has slipped into a state of melancholy, desperately missing a mother and sisters that she hasn't thought of for many thousands of years. Her memory now flashing back and forth between Earth in the 19th century and her new domain of Crystal City in what is apparently, in Earth time, somewhere around the 139th century. What has become of her family? What has become of Earth? Who is Alannah anyway? Is Alannah of Earths past and Alannah of Crystal City even the same person? Is this all a dream? Is this some sort of joke?
"Sherina. The diner is empty. Come sit with me. I need to talk."
"Sure Sugar. Whatever you need. I'm here for you and I know how difficult this is for you. I have seen many go through this. You will get it all put back together soon, I'm sure of that." Sherina answers as she sits down with Alannah.
"Tell me about -- this. Where are we really? What is this place Crystal City? I vaguely remember coming here, and you were here then to meet me and you got me this job. But it was all different then. Horses and wooden buildings, not this -- this modern city of glass that it has become. Why didn't I notice any of this before? When did it all change?" Alannah asks with a look of deep concern on her face.
"Baby, you were lost in your forgetfulness. That happens a lot around here. Most of us were in that state until the great awakening. Then many of us began to remember, and lately with all the stuff about the planet being readied for re-population it has been on the news non stop. The customers and the other workers have talked a lot about it too. But you, Alannah, would just zone out and go about your business like nothing was happening. That is when I knew that we had to get you into reconstitution therapy and recover your memory. I'm sorry it has been such a shock to you.
"To answer you questions though, Crystal City is what we call a domain, a perceptual bubble in which we can experience life in this form. When you came here is was the late 19th century on Earth and this town was fashioned after that period, because that is all we knew. As newcomers kept arriving the town kept up with the progress they brought with them. The town slowly evolved from wood buildings and dirt roads to paved walkways, steel buildings, and hover cars floating in the air above us. Our physical form is the form that we had on Earth and we have manifested that same form here in this dimensional framework that we call level 5. It has some extra dimensions that the Earth framework does not. Here it is much easier to manifest our thoughts into form. That level of manifestation is almost impossible on Earth. In order to experience life there you have to be born into physical form as an infant and live a life as that entity. There is a process we have developed for accomplishing that. When you do that you slowly forget whatever you were before and you adopt that form as your own. When you leave that form, usually because it dies, you manifest here in that same form because that is what you know, it is who and what you have become."
"So this is Heaven? Are we spirits?" Alannah asked.
"In a round about way maybe, your spiritual essence is the same, but you are just as physical here as on earth, just within a different dimensional framework. Many on Earth believed that after their life there ends they, or their spiritual essence, would go to one of two places, either a Heaven of perpetual bliss, or a Hell of perpetual torture. What they did not know is that there is in fact many thousands of places to go, this domain being just one of them. There are domains of perpetual bliss and their are domains of perpetual torture and souls can manifest there if they believe that is where they belong. Most of us, though, end up somewhere in the middle, because that is the right place for us to be given our level of conscious evolution and what sort of life we desire to experience. For some reason that you do not remember you chose to come here, and I'm sure you had a good reason.
"Few of us actually remember leaving our body on Earth and coming here. Most of us just find ourselves here with little or no memory of our Earth past and go about living our lives here as if nothing had preceded it. That is what we call a veil of forgetfulness and for most of us it is a good thing. It keeps us from the melancholy you are now experiencing, missing people that we have left behind, or longing to reunite with others who have selected other domains.
"Although there are other dimensional frameworks we could exist within, this one, which we call level 5 is where we go between trips to Earth. Our life form evolved on Earth, which is the source of our form, it is our origin, it is our home, and it is where we return when we leave level 5. Oh there are a few that ascend to higher levels, but for most of us after some rest and relaxation and some recharging of our essential energies, we return for another lifetime on Earth.
"Then everything changed. There was a great cataclysm on Earth, one that we refer to as the Great Influx. At that time, within a few short minutes, all life, every living thing on Earth and the whole solar system died, snuffed out in a flash. Since that time everything has been different and all the rules have changed.
"One of the biggest changes is that now we need our memory back. Forgetting where we came from and then recycling back to Earth after a short visit here was fine before. But after the Influx there was no Earth to go back to. Without life there it became invisible to us and we could not find it. We live here now, full time. It is therefore necessary for us to remember who and what we are and why we are here so that we can move forward with our lives. Otherwise we get stuck, like you have been, just reliving the same day over and over waiting to return to a live on a planet that no longer exists.
"Fifteen years ago a group of individuals from the Penny Lake and Powder Junction domains engaged in a joint mission to rediscover Earth and make some fundamental adjustments to our domains so that we could prepare Earth for re-population. Those adjustments resulted in the great awakening where many of us began to spontaneously remember who we were and why we were here. Others, like yourself, lost in their forgetfulness needed a little help, reconstitution therapy, to lift the veil. That is what you have just experienced."
"OK. Now for the hard part." Alannah said, gathering her courage to ask the difficult questions. "Grab that mag over there, the one with The Four on the cover."
"Alright Sweetie. I got it. What about them? Those are the guys I was just talking about who rediscovered Earth. They are on the news all the time these days."
"Do you see the tall guy in the middle?"
"Yes. That is John of Penny lake. He is like the grandpa of the group. What do you want to know about him?"
"Everything."
"Well lets see. As I understand it he arrived just before the turn of the 20th century, Earth time. He was in training with the domain host for Penny Lake to become a host and have a domain of his own. Then in the 22nd century, Earth time, the Great Influx occurred and that changed everything. Some of the domains doubled or tripled their members overnight. It was chaos.
"One of the kids that came to Penny Lake during the influx, it turns out, was this young fifteen year old girl named Sally. Sally and John sort of adopted each other as father and daughter. It was Sally together with her boyfriend who actually found planet Earth, which had gone missing, and figured out what happened and how to repair it. The adjustments they made to the dimensional frameworks allowed them to bring life back to the planet and it also resulted in the great awakening that occurred here. As a result these guys became very famous. That was about fifteen years ago and Sally and her boyfriend, who are now divorced, have a teen age daughter that we know as Princess Penelope. Sally recently adopted another teen who is an aboriginal girl and the ambassador to those who call themselves The First Ones. We call her Princess Anahere. The media calls them Princess because domains such as this, and Capitol City, have adopted this family as sort of their Royal family. They are EXTREMELY popular with the people here and VERY famous. Many magazines are based totally around the life and times of the two Princess girls and they have quite a good circulation."
"Do you think any of them will ever come here?"
"I don't know. That may be a problem for us if they do, with our privacy laws and stuff. When they are in Capitol City they are mobbed by the media and the paparazzi taking pictures and trying to get video and stuff. That is illegal here. Anyone even approaching another person uninvited could be arrested and put in jail. The discreteness protocol here is pretty much our prime directive. As popular as they are though, I don't know if our population could resist harassing them if they come. I guess we will see if that happens. So, why all the interest in these guys?"
"Well, it turns out that John of Penny Lake is my dad."
"What!? Really? Oh My God! Really? Shit girl. Then you could be famous too. That is really interesting news. So why the long face?"
"When I first realized he was my dad I was washed over will feelings of hate, and hurt, and resentment. I despise that man, and I don't know why. That is why I was hoping none of them would come here, well he can't anyway because he is a guy, but I don't know how I would react to the girls since, basically, I'm a relative. It's just a lot of complicated feelings and I don't think I can deal with that right now."
"I wouldn't worry too much about it. Even if they do come to Crystal City it's unlikely they would show up in our diner. You better get home and get some sleep. This will all get easier in a few days as your memory slowly comes back. Your shift starts at Six AM. Don't be late!"
In her apartment Alannah tosses and turns, unable to get much restful sleep. New memories are pouring in, especially in her dreams. In one dream she remembered that her mother called herself a double Indian. Her grandmother on her mothers side was an Indian from India. Her grandfather on her mothers side was a Native American, and in those days was also called an Indian due to a mistake made by ancient explorers. So she was double Indian. How silly these ethnic titles seem now. What possible difference could it make? Alannah is finally getting a few minutes of peaceful sleep when her phone rings. Still asleep she knocks it on the floor trying to answer it and is stumbling around in the dark trying to find it. It's Sherina on the phone.
"Girl! Get your ass down here in a hurry. You're not going to believe what is going on here."
"Huh? My shift doesn't start for hours. Why are you calling me now?"
"I'm serious. You gotta get down here now. You must have powers or something. You must be a prophet. You're not going to believe who is sitting right where you were earlier eating exactly the same pie and ice cream."
"Sherina, this better be good. What the hell are you talking about?"
"Princess Anahere. That is what I'm talking about. She is in the diner right now, sitting right were you were just a few short hours ago, eating the exact same pie and ice cream, from the same pie plate and the same ice cream bucket. This can't be an accident. This is destiny. Get you skinny little ass down here right now! You gotta see this!"
"What!?!?!?. The Princess? Holy shit! I think this is a bad bad bad idea, but I will be there a flash. You know you could go to jail just for making this call don't you?"
"Yes, but I also know you ain't gonna tell. Hurry you ass up before she leaves."
Alannah got off the bus a block away and hurriedly ran around back instead of going in the front. There were a dozen curious citizens hovering in the back of the kitchen watching the Princess through a crack in the door. Sherina was shushing them to keep the Princess from discovering the crowd.
"Good. You're here" Sherina whispered. "You have the floor. I'll sit back here and watch."
"Are you SHITTING ME!? I can't go out there!" Alannah whispered back.
"Destiny shines on you sister. Do it!" Sherina whispers as she hands Alannah the order pad.
Alannah stands frozen behind the counter trying to look natural, hoping the Princess doesn't notice her flushed face and sweaty hands. Suddenly though, her anxiety evaporates. The Princess is crying, tears streaming down her face, her hands and legs shaking uncontrollably. In a sudden wave of sympathetic understanding Alannahs heart melts. Alannah thinks to herself Oh my God, the Princess is going through the same thing I'm going through. That is what I looked like sitting right there in that same booth just hours ago. Maybe this IS destiny. Totally confident now Alannah steps up to the table.
"Is there anything I can get you miss? I just started my shift." Alannah says.
"No ma'am. I'm fine." Anahere responds.
Alannah walked back behind the counter all proud of herself and then suddenly she freezes again, her anxiety rushing back in. Another figure, one who has been stalking Anahere from the darkness emerges and enters the diner. It's Princess Penelope. Penelope slides in next to Anahere and they hug and begin to weep together.
Both of them? Alannah thinks to herself. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit, it's both of them -- AT MY TABLE! What if they order something else? What if I stumble and fall. What if I pee on myself? What if snot comes out my nose? Oh God if you exist anywhere in these domains I need some help here. I know Penelope is going to order something and I'm going to walk out there and fall flat on my ass and then pee on myself, I just know it.
The two young girls cried for awhile then talked for awhile. They giggled and Anahere tossed a few coins to Penelope who, just as Alannah had feared, waved her to the table to take an order. The anticipation of a fearful event is usually much more painful than the event itself. Alannah made it to the table, took the order, and got back behind the counter without falling or peeing or anything nasty falling out of her nose. Dishing out a double portion of ice cream for good measure she made it back to the table and presented it to the Princess and made it safe behind the counter without any horribly embarrassing event overtaking her, all the time hearing the hushed whispers from the back room and wishing they would all shut the **** up back there. Whew! Mission accomplished.
The calm lasted for only a second and then fear pierced deep into her heart again. Penelope, who had barely taken notice before suddenly jerked her head around and stared Alannah straight in the eyes, then whispered something to Anahere, who grabbed ticket, reading Alannahs name written there. Then they both stared her straight in the eyes. Alannah was frozen, unable to speak or move, but luckily showing no external emotion. Holy Fucking Shit! They recognized me. She thought. How could they possible know? She could not hear the conversation but reading lips she definitely saw them say the name John more than once. They Know! They fucking know who I am and that I am Johns daughter! What can I do? Nothing! All I can do is just stand here like a statue and wait for destiny to mow me down like a dried up twig.
The two girls left some coins on the table saving Alannah the stress of collecting their tab and then hand in hand they left the diner. As they did Alannah definitely noticed that both the girls deliberately ignored her. Good, she thought. I don't want to talk to them and they don't want to talk to me. Maybe they won't tell dad who they saw. Someday though, I know, I'm going to get that call on the phone asking me to report to Penny Lake for an audience with dad. I hope I'm ready for that when it happens and I hope it doesn't happen soon. This is going to take a lot of getting used to.
After all the drama was over Alannah asked Sherina for another day off. There is much to contemplate, much to remember. I guess I'm really unstuck now, Alannah thinks to herself. I wanted to move into the future instead of being stuck living the same day over and over but I didn't think I would move this fast. It's been a little too much for one day. I'm hoping today that absolutely nothing happens at all. Tomorrow then, will be the first day of my new life, and the first thing I'm going to do is find Elina.
Calm now, confident and unafraid of what destiny may bring, Alannah sits in a booth in an all night diner, in the middle of a domain called Crystal City, one of thousands of other domains drifting in the middle of God knows where, and enjoys some pie and ice cream.
The End (for now).
Alannahs Awakening
Stuck Between Tick and Tock
Stuck Between Tick and Tock
By Gary Brandt
Copyright 2008 by Gary Brandt.
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this story may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Over The Edge Press, 809 W Riordan Rd Ste 100 #405, Flagstaff, AZ 86001
e-mail otep@overtheedgepress.com
www.overtheedgepress.com
Alannah stands quietly at the bus stop.The bus has arrived but has not yet descended to the platform level so the travelers must wait for it to get into the loading position. The other travelers are impatient but Alannah is content to wait. She is secretly hoping that the bus will be late, even hoping that she will miss it. It has been almost fifteen years since the great awakening, but Alannah is stuck, caught in a no-womans land between the past and the future, unable to move in either direction. Sherina, Alannahs supervisor at the all night diner, arranged for Alannah to take some time off for reconstitution therapy. It is a popular therapy for those who get stuck in a temporal dead zone, as it is called. Alannah is excited at the prospect of discovering her past and is hopeful it will launch her into the future. Being stuck is like living the same day over and over and over again, coming from nowhere and going nowhere. Excited as Alannah is, she is also apprehensive. Getting unstuck is frightening. You never know what you are going to find. What if you find that you are someone that you will hate? Alannah wonders if maybe it would be better not to know.
Alannah has been content to live in the now, totally. It is hard for her to remember anything from yesterday and she has no concern about tomorrow at all. She does remember this mornings conversations though. It still makes her want to cry.
"You have to do this! It's no longer an option, Alannah. Your stuck and you need to get unstuck. Look outside Sweetie. What do you see?" Sherina asked Alannah who was giving her that doe eyed mindless look. "Go on, look outside and tell me what you see."
"OK. I see buildings and people. So what?" Alannah responded.
"Look closer. Are those the same buildings that were there when you started working here?"
"Maybe. I don't know. I never notice stuff like that." Alannah replied, already tearing up from the frustration of being asked questions she has no idea how to answer.
"You don't notice hardly anything, Alannah. I only see you get excited when the Princess is on the video. Other than that the only thing you do is get up in the morning and come to work, and then go home and go to sleep. That is all you have done for years and years and years. It's all you ever do. I give you the weekends off and you come to work anyway. If you don't get a shift you sit in a booth until it's time to go home. That isn't a life. You're young and beautiful and you need a life. That is why I want you to go to therapy. Reconstitution therapy works wonders. Things are changing, the world we know is changing rapidly and you need to change with it. You can't afford to be stuck between tick and tock anymore. I insist that you go to this therapy and if you don't I'm tying you up and dragging you down there myself. Is that under stood little lady? Now get your skinny little butt out to that bus stop and go! Here is your appointment slip. I love you Sweetie. This is for your own good."
"OK. I go." Alannah responded, now sobbing uncontrollably.
The bus ascended to its cruising altitude, about 100 feet above the pedestrian pathway, and began to accelerate to cruising velocity. Alannah will get off at the last stop past the edge of the city so she is not in a hurry to find a seat. A dozen other women have pushed past her to get a seat. Alannah moved out of their way and let them pass. For now she is satisfied to just stand and hold on to a passenger pole until the bus starts to clear out. The young woman piloting the bus calls out that the next stop will be at such and such a street corner in about 10 minutes. Alannah is unconcerned, her stop is at least another 40 minutes away. Stop after stop came and went and some women got off and other women got on. Soon the bus is almost empty, the only other passengers are a few school girls going to the academy at the edge of town. At last the bus stops at the end of the line and Alannah, now alone, departs.
Alannah walks down a cobblestone path to a small gated cottage. There is a small engraved brass sign at the gate which says 'Visual Reconstitution Clinic. By Appointment Only'. Alannah checks her appointment slip to make sure this is the right place and the right time. It is. She takes a deep breath and walks to the door, entering a small room. There is a couch and several chairs at one end and an artists easel at the other. An elderly woman enters the room and motions for her to have a seat. "Welcome, my sister. You must be Alannah. I am Maureen. I will be performing your reconstitution this morning. Relax. This works much easier when you are relaxed. Breath deep, take regular breaths, and let you body relax and your mind become open. There is nothing to fear. Have some herbal tea. It will help calm you."
"So how does this work?" Alannah wants to know. "What is visual reconstitution? Do you look into a crystal ball? I'm not at all sure what we are going to do today."
"It is really very simple." Maureen responded. "I am a seer. I can look within your consciousness and see images of people, places, and things recorded in there from your stream of past experiences. People work best since you have the richest relationships with people. I will draw them, a portrait of just their faces. I will draw the faces of people who were close to you, physically and emotionally close to you. As I draw and you see the face emerge it will focus your memory and allow it to reconstitute for you. You will explain to me as I draw who I am drawing, and your memory of that person, and your past history connecting you to that person will be reconstituted."
Maureen pulled a clean drawing sheet from a drawer and attached it to the easel. Using a sharp pencil she quickly began sketching eyes, nose, mouth, hairline until the image of a face appeared. After adding the detail with the pencil she took colored chalk and filled in the face and lips and eyes with color. "Let me know when you recognize the face and then you can start telling me the history the face brings to your memory."
"I don't know. That looks like me. You have drawn a picture of me. Or does that mean that I have a twin?"
"Ah. Good. The first test has been passed. I always start with a picture of the subject. If the image of you that I pull from your mind looks like the you that I see sitting here, then I know I am connected to the right consciousness, and that you have an accurate self image. There would not be much point in continuing if this test is not successful. If I am pulling from the wrong consciousness, then you will not recognize anyone since they are not from your history. If you have a faulty self image then any other image I pull from you is more likely made up than real and that would get us nowhere. You have passed this test as what I see on the paper is exactly what I see sitting on my couch. This will be a good session. This drawing is complete. You may have it if you like."
"Thank you so much." Alannah said with a smile. "I don't have any pictures of myself, much less a drawing. It's beautiful. What is that number you wrote after my name, 1875? What does that mean?"
"1875 is the date that came with this image. This is a picture of you in the Earth year called in that time 1875, in a place called California. That was a long time ago, about twelve thousand Earth years ago actually, and no place called California still exists. In you memory though, this place, this time, and this Alannah still exist, otherwise I could not have seen it within you."
"None of that means a thing to me." Alannah says with a confused look on here face. "You have drawn me as I am now, and now is all that I know. I don't know what 1875 means and I have never heard of California."
"Let us move on then and see what we can see. This next sketch will help you move your mind back to California and reconstitute the bits and pieces of that memory record. Then you can begin to connect the dots and make sense of it all." Again Maureen sketched a face, one that strongly resembles Alannah, but not quite the same. As she finished the sketch she labeled it 1855 but she left the spot for a name blank. "Take your time Honey, have some tea, let your memory flood back in. We are in no hurry. Give it some time and let it flow.
Alannah studies the sketch for quite some time, sipping tea, walking around and looking at it from different angles, looking up close, then from across the room. Sitting again, she tries to relax her mind and let it flow, but nothing is remembered. This picture, resemblance aside, is of a stranger. Logic would say that this young woman, who appears to be her age, is actually twenty years older. The date on the picture gives that away. So who is she?
Alannah stiffens up and her eyes grow wide as if she has seen a frightful ghost. "Mother!" Alannah suddenly blurts out, steading herself to keep from falling off the couch. A sudden wave of dizziness and nausea flows through her body. An emotional feeling as a heavy weight descends on her. A deep sadness envelops her. A choking grief constricts her throat as a painful lump develops leaving her unable to speak.
"Relax Sweetie." Maureen says, sitting next to Alannah on the couch, holding her and steadying her, also holding a pan in case Alannah needs to throw up. "This will be uncomfortable for a few minutes. It always is when the dam bursts and the memory flows. Lie down if you need. We are not in a hurry. Take your time."
A few minutes passes and Alannah says "No, I'm fine." Alannah sips some more tea and steadies herself on the couch. "It was just a shock to have that memory return so suddenly. I wasn't prepared for that. I do remember a little now. You can write 'Akasha' at the bottom of the picture. That was her name, at least I know that much. I do not recall much about her except that she died. I don't think I ever got over that. She was much to young to die and she died for no good reason. I guess that is why I forgot about her. The pain of her passing was just too great. Why can't I remember more than that?"
"You may take this sketch home with you as well. Put it on the wall next you yours. Day by day as you look at it you will remember more. There are more in you that I must draw, more that you must remember. Are you ready to continue?"
"Yes. Please continue. I'm kind of getting excited about who I'm going to meet next." Alannah said, sitting up straight now and not looking so sick.
For the third time Maureen busily sketches the details of a face, an extraordinarily beautiful young woman. It takes less time this time for recognition to occur. Before Maureen can finish adding the color Alannah knows who she is.
"Label that one 'Elina'. That's my little sister Elina. Oh my God, we used to fight all the time. I think I was jealous of her because she was the beautiful, sexy one, and she was jealous of me because I was the oldest and got to do everything first. When I got my first makeup she stole it. When Mom made her give it back she broke it so I couldn't use it. I told her about a boy I liked and then I catch her in the woods with him. She could have enticed any boy in town into the woods with her, she was so beautiful, but she picked the one she knew I liked. Fight as we did we were also very close. Mom was harsh with her. I think she was jealous of her too. So many times I would come to her defense and get Mom to leave her alone. What has become of my sister Elina? Is there any way I can find her? What about my Mom?"
Maureen paused for a minute, as if trying to pull in information from a long distance. "You Mother is no more, not in the sense that you remember her. Her essence still exists but as someone else and she does not remember ever being Akasha. Unless her memory is reconstituted some day, we will not be able to locate her. Elina is still Elina. She is a mother and a grandmother and a great grandmother but her offspring are not with her. They are in different domains. As you are she is also, alone. With some research I can get you her address. I cannot promise, however, that she will be ready to see you again. Reunions across domain boundaries are difficult. She may not remember you and have no idea why you think you know her.
As Maureen sketches for the fourth time and youthful face of a young teen aged girl appears. The eyes and nose and mouth are barely sketched before Alannah knows her.
"Brionna. That is my bratty little sister Brionna. She was the baby in the family and she got away with everything. She would do things Elina and I would have gotten beaten for and Mom just let it slide. She was the most irritating little thing in the world but I love her to death. Is she in another domain too? Can I find her?"
"Yes. I sense that Brionna is still Brionna. She also has a clan of offspring and most of them are with her. The same caution applies. We may find her but she may not know you. Study these sketches often and more and more will be revealed to you."
Maureen rolls up the Brionna sketch and presents it to Alannah who adds it to the rest of the drawing she is collecting. Once more she prepares the easel to draw.
"I have another sister? Wow! I must have had a big family." Alannah giggled.
Alannah stops laughing as the sketch takes shape.
"That is a funny looking woman. I don't remember her at all."
"That is because this is a man. This domain has only women so you haven't seen a man close up for thousands of years. So they do look a little funny."
"Stop! Stop drawing!" Alannah says with a shocked look. "I do know him and I have seen him recently. Look at any magazine or newspaper or turn on the video. You will recognize him too. Why is he in my memory? Who is this man to me?"
Maureen sketches a little more to get a clear image and then she too is shocked at who she had drawn. "Oh My! This is John of Penny Lake. He has been in the news a lot. John of Penny Lake is your father. You have a famous father Sweetie."
"A famous ass hole of a father. I don't know why, but for some reason, I despise that man. I even felt that when I saw him on video. Something about him just made me angry. I don't feel angry at the others, Princess Penelope or Princess Anahere, but something about him brings back some bad memories. You don't need to give me his picture or his address. I know he is in the Penny Lake domain. Everybody knows that. I don't plan to go there to meet him either."
Maureen smiles as she finishes the sketch anyway. "I think I've earned my wages today. This memory reconstitution has gone well, you have remembered much. I sense one more significant man in you stream of experience, a husband probably, but his time line is convoluted and I cannot get a clear picture. He seems to me a mixture of more than one, so I apologize for not drawing him for you. I think this sketch of your father may reveal the reason you were stuck. So take this sketch too. In time you may remember what has caused your resentment for your father and work to repair that relationship. It may also be the reason you came to a womens only domain. Many here have unresolved father issues. I recommend you work that out. You may find a more fruitful life in a different domain if you work out your issues with your father. "
"That won't be necessary. I'm perfectly content to live here with the rest of the girls, father issues or not. And no thank you. You can keep the John sketch. He is on a magazine cover everywhere I look anyway. One more question before I go. If my sisters are great grandmothers, where are my kids? Did I have kids on Earth?"
Maureen frowns and says "I sense that you were pregnant, but you did not survive child birth."
"You mean my baby was still born? Did I have a miscarriage?" Alannah asks.
"No sweetie. Your baby was born alive. You died in childbirth." Maureen replies.
"Died? What do you mean died? I'm alive so how could I be dead?" Alannah asks with a very confused look on her face.
"Oh Sweetie! I didn't realize you had forgotten so much. Of course you are alive because there is nothing else that you could be, but it is a matter of perspective. Let me try to explain. Earth is in a different dimensional framework than we are here. You see the Earths dimensional framework is invisible to us here and we are invisible there. It is called a level 3 framework and we are in a level 5 framework and the two cannot physically interact, they are dimensionally out of phase with each other. You were existing in physical form on Earth and when that form ceased to function you transferred your physical form here. From their perspective, however, the empty shell you left behind was dead. To them you were dead. When you came here you had assumed the same physical form here that you had there but you left most, if not all, of you memories behind. You didn't remember being Alannah on Earth so you did not know that you had died there. I'm sorry to dump this on you so suddenly. Like everything else you have learned today it will take some time but you will adjust to it and eventually understand."
Alannah rides the bus home as if she is in a trance. Everything looks different now. Looking out the window as the bus scoots along 100 feet above the pedestrian walkway below, everything looks wrong. There should be horses and carriages and wooden buildings, not buildings of glass and steel and hover cars floating around dodging each other in the sky. Recalling her identity and her life from the past has left her without a solid identity in her experience of today. She is a bit lost.
Sitting in a booth at the diner Sherina has brought her some pie and ice cream to cheer her up. Alannah has slipped into a state of melancholy, desperately missing a mother and sisters that she hasn't thought of for many thousands of years. Her memory now flashing back and forth between Earth in the 19th century and her new domain of Crystal City in what is apparently, in Earth time, somewhere around the 139th century. What has become of her family? What has become of Earth? Who is Alannah anyway? Is Alannah of Earths past and Alannah of Crystal City even the same person? Is this all a dream? Is this some sort of joke?
"Sherina. The diner is empty. Come sit with me. I need to talk."
"Sure Sugar. Whatever you need. I'm here for you and I know how difficult this is for you. I have seen many go through this. You will get it all put back together soon, I'm sure of that." Sherina answers as she sits down with Alannah.
"Tell me about -- this. Where are we really? What is this place Crystal City? I vaguely remember coming here, and you were here then to meet me and you got me this job. But it was all different then. Horses and wooden buildings, not this -- this modern city of glass that it has become. Why didn't I notice any of this before? When did it all change?" Alannah asks with a look of deep concern on her face.
"Baby, you were lost in your forgetfulness. That happens a lot around here. Most of us were in that state until the great awakening. Then many of us began to remember, and lately with all the stuff about the planet being readied for re-population it has been on the news non stop. The customers and the other workers have talked a lot about it too. But you, Alannah, would just zone out and go about your business like nothing was happening. That is when I knew that we had to get you into reconstitution therapy and recover your memory. I'm sorry it has been such a shock to you.
"To answer you questions though, Crystal City is what we call a domain, a perceptual bubble in which we can experience life in this form. When you came here is was the late 19th century on Earth and this town was fashioned after that period, because that is all we knew. As newcomers kept arriving the town kept up with the progress they brought with them. The town slowly evolved from wood buildings and dirt roads to paved walkways, steel buildings, and hover cars floating in the air above us. Our physical form is the form that we had on Earth and we have manifested that same form here in this dimensional framework that we call level 5. It has some extra dimensions that the Earth framework does not. Here it is much easier to manifest our thoughts into form. That level of manifestation is almost impossible on Earth. In order to experience life there you have to be born into physical form as an infant and live a life as that entity. There is a process we have developed for accomplishing that. When you do that you slowly forget whatever you were before and you adopt that form as your own. When you leave that form, usually because it dies, you manifest here in that same form because that is what you know, it is who and what you have become."
"So this is Heaven? Are we spirits?" Alannah asked.
"In a round about way maybe, your spiritual essence is the same, but you are just as physical here as on earth, just within a different dimensional framework. Many on Earth believed that after their life there ends they, or their spiritual essence, would go to one of two places, either a Heaven of perpetual bliss, or a Hell of perpetual torture. What they did not know is that there is in fact many thousands of places to go, this domain being just one of them. There are domains of perpetual bliss and their are domains of perpetual torture and souls can manifest there if they believe that is where they belong. Most of us, though, end up somewhere in the middle, because that is the right place for us to be given our level of conscious evolution and what sort of life we desire to experience. For some reason that you do not remember you chose to come here, and I'm sure you had a good reason.
"Few of us actually remember leaving our body on Earth and coming here. Most of us just find ourselves here with little or no memory of our Earth past and go about living our lives here as if nothing had preceded it. That is what we call a veil of forgetfulness and for most of us it is a good thing. It keeps us from the melancholy you are now experiencing, missing people that we have left behind, or longing to reunite with others who have selected other domains.
"Although there are other dimensional frameworks we could exist within, this one, which we call level 5 is where we go between trips to Earth. Our life form evolved on Earth, which is the source of our form, it is our origin, it is our home, and it is where we return when we leave level 5. Oh there are a few that ascend to higher levels, but for most of us after some rest and relaxation and some recharging of our essential energies, we return for another lifetime on Earth.
"Then everything changed. There was a great cataclysm on Earth, one that we refer to as the Great Influx. At that time, within a few short minutes, all life, every living thing on Earth and the whole solar system died, snuffed out in a flash. Since that time everything has been different and all the rules have changed.
"One of the biggest changes is that now we need our memory back. Forgetting where we came from and then recycling back to Earth after a short visit here was fine before. But after the Influx there was no Earth to go back to. Without life there it became invisible to us and we could not find it. We live here now, full time. It is therefore necessary for us to remember who and what we are and why we are here so that we can move forward with our lives. Otherwise we get stuck, like you have been, just reliving the same day over and over waiting to return to a live on a planet that no longer exists.
"Fifteen years ago a group of individuals from the Penny Lake and Powder Junction domains engaged in a joint mission to rediscover Earth and make some fundamental adjustments to our domains so that we could prepare Earth for re-population. Those adjustments resulted in the great awakening where many of us began to spontaneously remember who we were and why we were here. Others, like yourself, lost in their forgetfulness needed a little help, reconstitution therapy, to lift the veil. That is what you have just experienced."
"OK. Now for the hard part." Alannah said, gathering her courage to ask the difficult questions. "Grab that mag over there, the one with The Four on the cover."
"Alright Sweetie. I got it. What about them? Those are the guys I was just talking about who rediscovered Earth. They are on the news all the time these days."
"Do you see the tall guy in the middle?"
"Yes. That is John of Penny lake. He is like the grandpa of the group. What do you want to know about him?"
"Everything."
"Well lets see. As I understand it he arrived just before the turn of the 20th century, Earth time. He was in training with the domain host for Penny Lake to become a host and have a domain of his own. Then in the 22nd century, Earth time, the Great Influx occurred and that changed everything. Some of the domains doubled or tripled their members overnight. It was chaos.
"One of the kids that came to Penny Lake during the influx, it turns out, was this young fifteen year old girl named Sally. Sally and John sort of adopted each other as father and daughter. It was Sally together with her boyfriend who actually found planet Earth, which had gone missing, and figured out what happened and how to repair it. The adjustments they made to the dimensional frameworks allowed them to bring life back to the planet and it also resulted in the great awakening that occurred here. As a result these guys became very famous. That was about fifteen years ago and Sally and her boyfriend, who are now divorced, have a teen age daughter that we know as Princess Penelope. Sally recently adopted another teen who is an aboriginal girl and the ambassador to those who call themselves The First Ones. We call her Princess Anahere. The media calls them Princess because domains such as this, and Capitol City, have adopted this family as sort of their Royal family. They are EXTREMELY popular with the people here and VERY famous. Many magazines are based totally around the life and times of the two Princess girls and they have quite a good circulation."
"Do you think any of them will ever come here?"
"I don't know. That may be a problem for us if they do, with our privacy laws and stuff. When they are in Capitol City they are mobbed by the media and the paparazzi taking pictures and trying to get video and stuff. That is illegal here. Anyone even approaching another person uninvited could be arrested and put in jail. The discreteness protocol here is pretty much our prime directive. As popular as they are though, I don't know if our population could resist harassing them if they come. I guess we will see if that happens. So, why all the interest in these guys?"
"Well, it turns out that John of Penny Lake is my dad."
"What!? Really? Oh My God! Really? Shit girl. Then you could be famous too. That is really interesting news. So why the long face?"
"When I first realized he was my dad I was washed over will feelings of hate, and hurt, and resentment. I despise that man, and I don't know why. That is why I was hoping none of them would come here, well he can't anyway because he is a guy, but I don't know how I would react to the girls since, basically, I'm a relative. It's just a lot of complicated feelings and I don't think I can deal with that right now."
"I wouldn't worry too much about it. Even if they do come to Crystal City it's unlikely they would show up in our diner. You better get home and get some sleep. This will all get easier in a few days as your memory slowly comes back. Your shift starts at Six AM. Don't be late!"
In her apartment Alannah tosses and turns, unable to get much restful sleep. New memories are pouring in, especially in her dreams. In one dream she remembered that her mother called herself a double Indian. Her grandmother on her mothers side was an Indian from India. Her grandfather on her mothers side was a Native American, and in those days was also called an Indian due to a mistake made by ancient explorers. So she was double Indian. How silly these ethnic titles seem now. What possible difference could it make? Alannah is finally getting a few minutes of peaceful sleep when her phone rings. Still asleep she knocks it on the floor trying to answer it and is stumbling around in the dark trying to find it. It's Sherina on the phone.
"Girl! Get your ass down here in a hurry. You're not going to believe what is going on here."
"Huh? My shift doesn't start for hours. Why are you calling me now?"
"I'm serious. You gotta get down here now. You must have powers or something. You must be a prophet. You're not going to believe who is sitting right where you were earlier eating exactly the same pie and ice cream."
"Sherina, this better be good. What the hell are you talking about?"
"Princess Anahere. That is what I'm talking about. She is in the diner right now, sitting right were you were just a few short hours ago, eating the exact same pie and ice cream, from the same pie plate and the same ice cream bucket. This can't be an accident. This is destiny. Get you skinny little ass down here right now! You gotta see this!"
"What!?!?!?. The Princess? Holy shit! I think this is a bad bad bad idea, but I will be there a flash. You know you could go to jail just for making this call don't you?"
"Yes, but I also know you ain't gonna tell. Hurry you ass up before she leaves."
Alannah got off the bus a block away and hurriedly ran around back instead of going in the front. There were a dozen curious citizens hovering in the back of the kitchen watching the Princess through a crack in the door. Sherina was shushing them to keep the Princess from discovering the crowd.
"Good. You're here" Sherina whispered. "You have the floor. I'll sit back here and watch."
"Are you SHITTING ME!? I can't go out there!" Alannah whispered back.
"Destiny shines on you sister. Do it!" Sherina whispers as she hands Alannah the order pad.
Alannah stands frozen behind the counter trying to look natural, hoping the Princess doesn't notice her flushed face and sweaty hands. Suddenly though, her anxiety evaporates. The Princess is crying, tears streaming down her face, her hands and legs shaking uncontrollably. In a sudden wave of sympathetic understanding Alannahs heart melts. Alannah thinks to herself Oh my God, the Princess is going through the same thing I'm going through. That is what I looked like sitting right there in that same booth just hours ago. Maybe this IS destiny. Totally confident now Alannah steps up to the table.
"Is there anything I can get you miss? I just started my shift." Alannah says.
"No ma'am. I'm fine." Anahere responds.
Alannah walked back behind the counter all proud of herself and then suddenly she freezes again, her anxiety rushing back in. Another figure, one who has been stalking Anahere from the darkness emerges and enters the diner. It's Princess Penelope. Penelope slides in next to Anahere and they hug and begin to weep together.
Both of them? Alannah thinks to herself. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit, it's both of them -- AT MY TABLE! What if they order something else? What if I stumble and fall. What if I pee on myself? What if snot comes out my nose? Oh God if you exist anywhere in these domains I need some help here. I know Penelope is going to order something and I'm going to walk out there and fall flat on my ass and then pee on myself, I just know it.
The two young girls cried for awhile then talked for awhile. They giggled and Anahere tossed a few coins to Penelope who, just as Alannah had feared, waved her to the table to take an order. The anticipation of a fearful event is usually much more painful than the event itself. Alannah made it to the table, took the order, and got back behind the counter without falling or peeing or anything nasty falling out of her nose. Dishing out a double portion of ice cream for good measure she made it back to the table and presented it to the Princess and made it safe behind the counter without any horribly embarrassing event overtaking her, all the time hearing the hushed whispers from the back room and wishing they would all shut the **** up back there. Whew! Mission accomplished.
The calm lasted for only a second and then fear pierced deep into her heart again. Penelope, who had barely taken notice before suddenly jerked her head around and stared Alannah straight in the eyes, then whispered something to Anahere, who grabbed ticket, reading Alannahs name written there. Then they both stared her straight in the eyes. Alannah was frozen, unable to speak or move, but luckily showing no external emotion. Holy Fucking Shit! They recognized me. She thought. How could they possible know? She could not hear the conversation but reading lips she definitely saw them say the name John more than once. They Know! They fucking know who I am and that I am Johns daughter! What can I do? Nothing! All I can do is just stand here like a statue and wait for destiny to mow me down like a dried up twig.
The two girls left some coins on the table saving Alannah the stress of collecting their tab and then hand in hand they left the diner. As they did Alannah definitely noticed that both the girls deliberately ignored her. Good, she thought. I don't want to talk to them and they don't want to talk to me. Maybe they won't tell dad who they saw. Someday though, I know, I'm going to get that call on the phone asking me to report to Penny Lake for an audience with dad. I hope I'm ready for that when it happens and I hope it doesn't happen soon. This is going to take a lot of getting used to.
After all the drama was over Alannah asked Sherina for another day off. There is much to contemplate, much to remember. I guess I'm really unstuck now, Alannah thinks to herself. I wanted to move into the future instead of being stuck living the same day over and over but I didn't think I would move this fast. It's been a little too much for one day. I'm hoping today that absolutely nothing happens at all. Tomorrow then, will be the first day of my new life, and the first thing I'm going to do is find Elina.
Calm now, confident and unafraid of what destiny may bring, Alannah sits in a booth in an all night diner, in the middle of a domain called Crystal City, one of thousands of other domains drifting in the middle of God knows where, and enjoys some pie and ice cream.
The End (for now).
With all the talk about global warming I wanted to take a look at the raw data. You can actually download it from the internet these days. The data I am looking at is from ice core samples drilled out of glaciers. This is called proxy data because there are not actual thermometers buried in the ice. But there is stuff in there that scientists can use to estimate how hot or cold a certain year may have been. Is this accurate? Who knows? I'm sure the technicians are doing their best though, so this is the best we have got to work with.
Here is a chart showing the average temperature of the climate for the past 400,000 years or so.
This is pretty recent stuff. The dinosaurs were here 65,000,000 years ago, so that over 160 times longer ago in the past. But, of course, the glaciers have not been there all that long, geologically speaking, so we will just consider this recent history. As it shows the temperature has varied a lot. 322,000 years ago (or so) the temperature was about 3 degrees higher than it is now. 24,000 years ago it was about 9 degrees cooler. The median temperature between those extremes is about 3 degrees cooler than it is today. (I keep saying 'about' because I don't want to put in a bunch of decimal places that probably are not significant anyway.)
So lets take a look at what happened about 300,000 years ago.
This chart shows us that about 333,000 years ago the climate temperature was 8 degrees cooler than it is now. Then it suddenly (in geoloigical time) it jumped up to about 3 degrees warmer than it is now, by about 323,000 years ago. So it took about 10,000 years to get 11 degrees warmer. Soon after that it started getting cooler again. In about 3000 years the temperature had fallen to what it is today, and it kept getting cooler, so that in 10,000 years it was down to about 2 degrees cooler than today. The charts show that there have been a number of temperature 'spikes' where the climate got very much hotter than average, and then cooled off again. This chart is an example of one of those events.
Now lets take a look at another temperature 'spike' that is more recent.
This chart is from about 114,000 years ago to 140,000 years ago. In this chart we see the temperature rising from about 9 degrees below today to 3 degrees above today in about 10,000 years. That is a 12 degree increase in about 10,000 years, similar to the 11 degree shift in 10,000 years 300,000 years ago. In about 2000 to 3000 years the temperature had dropped to what it is today, and then kept going down so that after 10,000 years it had fallen to about 2 degrees cooler than today. That is about the same thing that happened 300,000 years ago.
Here is where it gets wierd. Lets take a look at the most recent temperature spike, the one that started our current inter-glacial period. (We are still in the ice-age. It didn't end. The glaciers just advance and retreat and we are in what is called an inter-glacial period where the glaciers are retreating.)
As this chart shows, about 17,000 years ago the climate temperature was about 9 degrees cooler than today. That is when the glaciers were munching up the area that we now call Chicago. Then suddenly about 11,000 years ago the temperature was up to Todays temperature. So based on what we saw previously we should at this point in time be a couple of degrees cooler than the peak temperature 11,000 years ago. But we aren't. Oh it has gotten a few degrees cooler, but then it gets a few degrees warmer, bouncing back and forth with the net effect of not changing much at all. The curve has been basically flat for 11,000 years. This hasn't ever happened before, that we know of, based on this data. Why? What is different now from then?
There are probably a lot of differences that I don't know about, but I can think of a few. One is that humans made a big change about 10,000 years ago or so. We started to farm. We invented agriculture. Did you know that the vast majority of plants and animals that we eat today didn't even exist 10,000 years ago? We created them through selective breeding and hybridization over these 10 millennia. That is a change, a big change, on this Earth. Is it big enough to keep the temperature higher than it should be? I dunno. It sure could be a contributing factor though.
What else could be going on? Well, the sun is getting older, and as it does it is getting hotter. It will eventually get so hot and so big that it will swallow up the earth and incinerate it. But that is way off in the future. It has gotten a smidgen hotter though in the last few hundred thousand years. Is that enough to stop the predicted cool down? Again, I dunno. I would think, though, that it is also a contributing factor.
We hear a lot of talk these days about the greenhouse effect heating up the planet due to high levels of CO2 in the atmosphere. I took a look at that too. The time period is so short that these charts don't have the resolution to say anything about that but there are a couple of inferences that we can make. One is that the recent CO2 increase due to industrial development could not have been the cause of flattening out the temperature curve because whatever caused that was in effect 10,000 years ago. The other thing, and I don't have the charts here to show it, (but I will get them and put them here) is the same data I used to plot these temperatures also show the CO2 level at that time. Time after time in the vicinity of the temperature spikes there was also a spike in CO2. Here is the strange thing. The CO2 spikes occurred AFTER the temperature went up. So it could not be the cause of it. The increased CO2 was a result of the temperature increase (or a co-result) and could not have been the cause. Weird, huh? Weird as it is, that is what the data shows.
So my conclusion is this ... well ... I have no conclusion. I don't believe this data is good enough or accurate enough to draw any clear conclusion from it. I do think, though, that it is food for thought. Climate is a chaotic process (thanks mainly to the strange little H2O molecule) and it will remain an enigma for many years to come. I am glad, though, that it isn't as cold as it should be. I would hate to see all the pretty things in Chicago (and all of Canada) getting mowed down by advancing glaciers.
Here is a chart showing the average temperature of the climate for the past 400,000 years or so.
This is pretty recent stuff. The dinosaurs were here 65,000,000 years ago, so that over 160 times longer ago in the past. But, of course, the glaciers have not been there all that long, geologically speaking, so we will just consider this recent history. As it shows the temperature has varied a lot. 322,000 years ago (or so) the temperature was about 3 degrees higher than it is now. 24,000 years ago it was about 9 degrees cooler. The median temperature between those extremes is about 3 degrees cooler than it is today. (I keep saying 'about' because I don't want to put in a bunch of decimal places that probably are not significant anyway.)
So lets take a look at what happened about 300,000 years ago.
This chart shows us that about 333,000 years ago the climate temperature was 8 degrees cooler than it is now. Then it suddenly (in geoloigical time) it jumped up to about 3 degrees warmer than it is now, by about 323,000 years ago. So it took about 10,000 years to get 11 degrees warmer. Soon after that it started getting cooler again. In about 3000 years the temperature had fallen to what it is today, and it kept getting cooler, so that in 10,000 years it was down to about 2 degrees cooler than today. The charts show that there have been a number of temperature 'spikes' where the climate got very much hotter than average, and then cooled off again. This chart is an example of one of those events.Now lets take a look at another temperature 'spike' that is more recent.
This chart is from about 114,000 years ago to 140,000 years ago. In this chart we see the temperature rising from about 9 degrees below today to 3 degrees above today in about 10,000 years. That is a 12 degree increase in about 10,000 years, similar to the 11 degree shift in 10,000 years 300,000 years ago. In about 2000 to 3000 years the temperature had dropped to what it is today, and then kept going down so that after 10,000 years it had fallen to about 2 degrees cooler than today. That is about the same thing that happened 300,000 years ago.
Here is where it gets wierd. Lets take a look at the most recent temperature spike, the one that started our current inter-glacial period. (We are still in the ice-age. It didn't end. The glaciers just advance and retreat and we are in what is called an inter-glacial period where the glaciers are retreating.)
As this chart shows, about 17,000 years ago the climate temperature was about 9 degrees cooler than today. That is when the glaciers were munching up the area that we now call Chicago. Then suddenly about 11,000 years ago the temperature was up to Todays temperature. So based on what we saw previously we should at this point in time be a couple of degrees cooler than the peak temperature 11,000 years ago. But we aren't. Oh it has gotten a few degrees cooler, but then it gets a few degrees warmer, bouncing back and forth with the net effect of not changing much at all. The curve has been basically flat for 11,000 years. This hasn't ever happened before, that we know of, based on this data. Why? What is different now from then?There are probably a lot of differences that I don't know about, but I can think of a few. One is that humans made a big change about 10,000 years ago or so. We started to farm. We invented agriculture. Did you know that the vast majority of plants and animals that we eat today didn't even exist 10,000 years ago? We created them through selective breeding and hybridization over these 10 millennia. That is a change, a big change, on this Earth. Is it big enough to keep the temperature higher than it should be? I dunno. It sure could be a contributing factor though.
What else could be going on? Well, the sun is getting older, and as it does it is getting hotter. It will eventually get so hot and so big that it will swallow up the earth and incinerate it. But that is way off in the future. It has gotten a smidgen hotter though in the last few hundred thousand years. Is that enough to stop the predicted cool down? Again, I dunno. I would think, though, that it is also a contributing factor.
We hear a lot of talk these days about the greenhouse effect heating up the planet due to high levels of CO2 in the atmosphere. I took a look at that too. The time period is so short that these charts don't have the resolution to say anything about that but there are a couple of inferences that we can make. One is that the recent CO2 increase due to industrial development could not have been the cause of flattening out the temperature curve because whatever caused that was in effect 10,000 years ago. The other thing, and I don't have the charts here to show it, (but I will get them and put them here) is the same data I used to plot these temperatures also show the CO2 level at that time. Time after time in the vicinity of the temperature spikes there was also a spike in CO2. Here is the strange thing. The CO2 spikes occurred AFTER the temperature went up. So it could not be the cause of it. The increased CO2 was a result of the temperature increase (or a co-result) and could not have been the cause. Weird, huh? Weird as it is, that is what the data shows.
So my conclusion is this ... well ... I have no conclusion. I don't believe this data is good enough or accurate enough to draw any clear conclusion from it. I do think, though, that it is food for thought. Climate is a chaotic process (thanks mainly to the strange little H2O molecule) and it will remain an enigma for many years to come. I am glad, though, that it isn't as cold as it should be. I would hate to see all the pretty things in Chicago (and all of Canada) getting mowed down by advancing glaciers.
23/03: Bit of History : The Alamo
I discovered this account of the Alamo through the eyes of Don Francisco Ruiz as told by his son Francisco Antonio Ruiz in 1907.
It is very interesting.
GB
It is very interesting.
GB
On the 23rd of February, 1836, at 2 p.m., General Santa Anna entered the city of San Antonio with a part of his army. This he effected without any resistances, the forces under the command of Travis, Bowie and Crockett having on the same day, at 8 a.m. learned that the Mexican army was on the banks of the Medina river, and concentrated in the Alamo.
In the evening they commenced to exchange fire with guns, and from the 23rd of February to the 6th of March (in which the storming was made by Santa Anna), the roar of artillery and volleys of musketry were constantly heard. On the 6th of March at 3 p.m. General Santa Anna at the head of 4000 men, advanced against the Alamo. The infantry, artillery and cavalry had formed about 1000 varas [1] from the walls of said fortress. The Mexican army charged and were twice repulsed by the deadly fire of Travis' artillery, which resembled a constant thunder. At the third charge the Toluca battalion commenced to scale the walls and suffered severely. Out of 800 men, only 130 were left alive.
When the Mexican ar
In the evening they commenced to exchange fire with guns, and from the 23rd of February to the 6th of March (in which the storming was made by Santa Anna), the roar of artillery and volleys of musketry were constantly heard. On the 6th of March at 3 p.m. General Santa Anna at the head of 4000 men, advanced against the Alamo. The infantry, artillery and cavalry had formed about 1000 varas [1] from the walls of said fortress. The Mexican army charged and were twice repulsed by the deadly fire of Travis' artillery, which resembled a constant thunder. At the third charge the Toluca battalion commenced to scale the walls and suffered severely. Out of 800 men, only 130 were left alive.
When the Mexican ar